Olivia: I started only leaving my room to work out

April 29, 2019

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was 17 and went away to college

I met this guy and it was my first love

Our lives were so intertwined

He had cheated on me and my life was turned upside down

My first love and my heart sank

I forgave him

I didn’t want to believe it

We continued to date and he continued to cheat on me

My mother knew that he had cheated on me

When I love I love hard

I was putting so much energy into the relationship

At that moment I realized he just doesn’t care

It was a very explosive relationship

I was just really sad

I walked out the door and closed it and I guarantee he thought I was coming back

After we broke up I just fell in this dark place

All of a sudden I’ve got to redefine myself again

I just almost hid

I remember being in my room and Netflixing all the time

I only left my room to go drinking or work out

I didn’t know who I was anymore

I started only leaving my room to work out

I was working out 4-6 hours a day

She said either you need to get professional health or you need to go to yoga with me

Yoga started out as a workout but it was the first time I truly had to be by myself

I didn’t know how to redefine myself so I just filled it with working out

At the time I didn’t recognize it but I fell in love with yoga

This hour of mindfulness this hour of myself doesn’t have to be about working out

I just realized it’s not my fault

I can’t blame him for the entirety of the situation

I realized in savasana I had to let this go

I really feel the power of yoga could save the world

My message to everyone is I still struggle with it to a certain extent

I still have those thoughts of I look fat

Now I have the tools on how to cope with it

I took the time to work through it

I need a routine and that’s helpful for me

I don’t know if I’ll ever fully be healed from those thoughts

Stuff is going to happen and sometimes it’s out of your control

When I have those thoughts I can acknowledge them, process them and then push them away

Know that you’re okay

Know that you’re not alone

That was my whole world

I didn’t know anything else but that world

You’re not alone and you don’t need to sugarcoat things

You’re worried about what other people will think

By saying it out loud you feel this big weight off

You can reinvent yourself 100 times and it’s going to be okay

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