Suzanne S: I’m not a person who thinks everyone should be polyamorous

August 12, 2019

I was married for about 8 years.

Most of our marriage we spent apart.

I became pregnant and we started to spend more time together and realized we should not live together.

It was sad at the time but looking back it seems such a necessary part of my story to come out the other side.

The question I asked myself was what do I want my life to be like?

Having a vision for what I want to be like and then executing that vision I probably don’t give myself enough credit for how amazing that really was.

I think almost dying brought things into sharp relief for me. I decided I didn’t like the life that I was living.

He confessed he had fallen out of love with me.

Am I somebody that’s desirable?

I had the reputation of dating a lot.

I really value having the freedom to have a relationship that takes its natural state.

I didn’t like living on the relationship escalator. This opened my eyes to polyamory.

As I envision my life going forward this is the way I want to be.

Polyamory and relationship anarchy (which is another subset of ethical non-monogamy), those philosophies and practices have really helped us as co-parents.

Nothing happens in polyamory that isn’t agreed to from the beginning. There is such a thing as cheating in polyamory.

Everything is subject to negotiation. Everything is examined and nothing is taken for granted.

I had to really drill down and figure out what it was I that I wanted in my relationships and what I was willing to accept in relationships.

Currently, I have two partners.

Is she going to try to take my husband?

I’m not a person who thinks everyone should be polyamorous.

It’s a really fine line talking to people about your personal life and talking to people about your sex life.

I would never deny one of the people I love to anybody. I feel that would diminish them. To the extent it comes out, I share it.

There are polyamorous people who have relationships that don’t involve sex at all.

Jealousy is an emotion that everyone deals with.

Jealousy is a signal from my brain that I have a need here that is not being met.

Learning that these negative emotions that we have mean something.

I was just me again.

External validation is a cheap and easy drug and it goes away fast. I had to learn very quickly to cultivate my own internal validation and that was a huge turning point for me.

Try to find some calm and think about what you want your life to be.

Envision yourself in the place you want to be in 5 or 10 years and then start making the moves to make those things happen. Even the stuff that seems really impossible or really hard. You are a resourceful person. You can achieve these things on your own.

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