I remember one morning I woke up and felt so unhappy that I couldn’t get out of bed. The thing was I lived this seemingly perfect life.
That morning I knew I was living a life. There was something that was bothering me for a while.
It was a facade. I had the perfect life. Perfect marriage. Perfect husband. I was stuck in there. I still didn’t do anything about it.
He changed our savings account password
I had so much trust in him that he was taking care of our finances that I didn’t even check. I never went to check what was going on in our account.
Who is this guy? I don’t even know him. That was the starting point for me.
I realized all the feelings I have had and ignored. That I felt I was not connected to him. I didn’t feel the love I didn’t feel the passion anymore and I had all these fears.
A year after that I found myself in the middle of a divorce.
Neither of us wanted to move out because at that point our boys were 6 and 8. We decided we can be professional parents together. We were separated in the same house for two years.
At the two years separation I felt really depressed. I felt as a Mom I was failing my kids.
My young son looked at me and said, “mom just divorce dad. You know you want it. You know that’s why you’re angry. Just get it over with.” I realized at that point that as much as I was hiding things it was showing in my face. My sadness, my anger. Everything.
I found yoga. I heard yoga can help you release stress. That helped me to release anxiety and be able to think a little bit more clear.
I remember the first day my life coach told me I don’t think you love yourself.
I put all my accomplishments as a sign I love myself. Because I didn’t feel good enough I was searching for something outside of myself. I kept accomplishing all these different things because that made me feel complete and good enough.
My husband said, “You always complain I don’t love you but you don’t let me love you. You have built this wall. I can never get close to you.”
If you don’t love yourself you don’t allow people to love you because you don’t feel worthy of love.
I kept creating the same situation.
After two years of doing yoga, meditation, life coaching, hypnotherapy, energy healing, I transformed my life. I felt different.
I would write three things about him that I appreciate.
My energy towards him started changing. We started talking and became friends. We started sharing things we never did before. It felt safe to talk.
I opened my heart and allowed him to love me and we decided to get back together and stay and we are still together.
It wasn’t easy. Trust me. It wasn’t like it happened overnight.
One day my 9-year boy said to me, “Mom I love the way you are, please don’t go back the other way.” Which brought tears to my eyes.
It doesn’t matter what situation you are in. If you have gratitude for what you have now then you would know your next step.
Gratitude allows us to see that what we focus on expands.
I saw my own value. I saw all the ways I was beautiful.
I deserve happiness. I deserve joy.
When you focus on beautiful things all you see around you is more beauty.