Walker: We were kids and it was a wild scenario

October 7, 2019

 

We dated throughout high school for about 5 years.

We’re on the phone the day before Valentine’s Day saying “I love you. I love you too, goodbye” and then I’ve literally never seen or spoken to that person ever again.

Quite suddenly I found myself single. It did take me a while to realize that in fact was what had happened. Just kind of ghosted.

At first, I assumed something was wrong or something came up. That last of my thoughts was that she just didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.

To be perfectly honest, I didn’t handle it all that well. I didn’t do anything crazy. I didn’t go to her home or anything like that.

It got to a point where anytime I would leave the house when I would return, I had this pitiful hope that her car would magically be in the driveway. Like she finally decided to show up and explain it and it would all be reasonable.

I called for a long time but the calls would go straight to voicemail.

For a long time, I was confused and waited and hoped that something would come of it. But nothing ever did.

I was confused and sad for a long time and then after several months I just kind of accepted that this was what it was and started trying to deal with that.

I was 20-years old and 6-months before I had lost my father from complications due to alcoholism.

For a while, there was a lot of anger and resentment out of hurt.

We were kids and it was a wild scenario.

Her parents were not big fans of mine.

She was a very sweet and kind person. It wasn’t in her nature to confront people about anything. I think she probably handled it the best way she knew how.

I’ve really never been in a long-term relationship like that again. I like to think that’s because I haven’t encountered the right person, but it’s very possible that there are some scars from that that I use to protect myself and don’t allow myself to be vulnerable in that way.

Dating around but nothing serious.

I lean a lot on my social circle. I get support there.

Finding something creative to do. To have that creative outlet. Something to express yourself that puts a smile on your face.

I’m kind of intimidated by having that kind of commitment to another person. It would take a lot for me to be convinced to forfeit my freedom.

I was so shocked and devastated for those first few months.

I was eventually able to able to operate without that resentment and without that anger.

I’m glad to know I can get over something.

Maybe what happened didn’t happen because that person was trying to hurt me as much as they could maybe that person was just doing the best they could.

It taught me empathy.

Trust me, there’s more than one.

Relationships can take a lot of different forms.

Me telling you to keep your chin up won’t help you in the moment.

Ultimately you have to find ways to make yourself happy.

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