Heather: I started to reclaim my life for me

December 30, 2019

I had the big suburban house and the family and all the things you dream of as a little girl.

We really had grown apart. I was willing at one point to be unhappy just to keep the dream alive. There comes a point when you realize I don’t want to do this anymore.

I started to reclaim my life for me. Not for my kids not or my husband and I began learning what self-love and self-care really looks like on a whole new level.

I feel like my grieving process was really long. There are still some moments of grieving.

One of the things I decided to embrace was just new things. Just really embracing life.

I’m not going to let anything or anyone get in my way. I really do have hopes and dreams and they are important to me. I’m not willing to compromise anymore. A lot of my life I compromised and put other people’s needs and other people’s desires before my own.

This whole thing was a complete shock. None of us understood what was happening or why it was happening. It was a huge transition. It was like we were all growing up and becoming adults at the same time.

As a mom, the thing that has been the most important is to give them space. To let them feel what they’re feeling. To be angry to be mad at me. I know I have definitely made mistakes. There are things I wish I had done differently or better.

I remind my kids I am a safe place for them. No matter what they do I love them. I am here for them.

This whole thing sucks and this is not what we thought this stage of their life was going to be, but to give them space and honor their journey even if I don’t like all the choices they make.

We had space to cry together and be scared together. As a mom, the thing for me was to not become co-dependent on my kids and not let them become co-dependent on me.

It feels like there is this fear that they will be left behind. There is always going to be space for my kids for sure.

I’ve had to make some really hard decisions. I’ve had to demonstrate tough love with my kids at times which has been really hard for me. One of the things this has really taught me is the value of boundaries because I had so few boundaries in my previous life. Boundaries are a good thing.

By saying no this is not okay you are creating an opportunity for growth. It was hard for me to say no because I love people and I’m very accommodating.

I am no longer bringing along dead weight with me.

I’ve really learned how to connect and get into my body and really listen to my body in all the spirituality. I think before spirituality before for me was a certain set of standards.

My journey probably could have been shorter. My journey has been a very long journey. Part of my journey has been about wrapping up loose ends. My journey hasn’t been just about me. It has been about giving people in my circle more time.

I was in a relationship for 26 years. I’ve been grateful for this journey. Let your journey be your journey. Grieving happens differently. It’s important to honor all of it.

I’m grateful for where I am and I’m excited for where I’m going.

My therapist has been amazing! I’m so glad I did that. I gave myself that gift. She has been that constant touchpoint that I really really needed.

I just wanted to be known so I created community. I didn’t have support so I created it through myself. Through my therapist and through my neighbors.

After 26 years there was absolutely a part of me that felt like a complete and utter failure.

Have people that will make you laugh and who give you hugs and just want to be there for you because of you. Not because of a job or anything else.

In the quiet moments of my loneliness, there were lots of tears which needed to happen but laughter is equally important.

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