Valina: I got to that point where enough was enough

January 6, 2020

We were married for 8 years and together for about 14 years. We met in college.

Through unfortunate circumstances around fidelity and lying and cheating, I end our marriage and file for divorce.

I got to that point where enough was enough. I decided to remove myself and my kids.

It takes work. I try to always look at the glass half full and the upside and the positive side of things.

My ex-husband had to be removed from the house.

My support network was great.

We went through some really tough custody battles. We are not co-parenting but parallel parenting with very limited contact.

It took some time. I did a lot of venting and being upset about the way things were working out and the reaction I was getting from the other side.

I’m still in that mode where I’m constantly going and doing. The last 3-years had been interesting.

I walked into my marriage with all of these ideas and how I wanted things to go and it was supposed to be a we, us, they together forever.

Once I had my daughter that was my big ah-ha that I had to set an example for her. When I had my son that just grew even more.

This responsibility to be a better stronger example, a healthier example for my children became really prominent.

My kids are at the heart and the root of everything that helps me to grow and to push me.

Aren’t I supposed to give and aren’t’ I supposed to work through things? I looked back and I did do that. I got to a point where I had done everything I could possibly do.

We’d done the counseling, we’d done the conferences, we’d done the bible studies together, we’d done the readings together.

Through all of the drama, I didn’t realize what was happening internally. This year I took up kickboxing which is a great stress reliever.

I have a great network of friends.

I amazed myself that even in the midst of all that was going on and all that was happening at home and in my personal life I continued to excel professionally. Going through the divorce process I was laid off because my job moved to a whole different state.

I amaze myself that in the midst of all of this God keeps blessing me and keeps pushing me forward to not let the bad and the negative things stop me from growing and being where I’m supposed to be.

I had moments where I was I supposed to lead people knowing I had such drama going on in my life. My personal life is crazy. People are going to look to me to be an example and how can I possibly lead them?

You do have to get rooted in whatever faith you have. Don’t become a hermit. You do have to open yourself up to people.

Hindsight is 20/20. Nobody knew what was happening to me not one knew what was happening at home for years. No one knew what I was dealigning with at home because I didn’t talk about it and I didn’t think I was supposed to talk about it.

Find that friend or that small network you can talk to and share your experiences with it. Don’t hold or bottle it in and think this is the way it’s supposed to go.

You have to keep talking about what is happening to you or nobody will know and nobody can give you the steps to get out or give you some encouragement or the tools and the skill sets to deal with whatever you are dealing with. You have to be able to reach out and talk to people. You have to talk to the right people.

Start talking. Everybody has a story.

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