Marni: We don’t grieve something we don’t love

February 3, 2020

I found myself pregnant pretty quickly and eventually found it was twins. We barely knew each other but we decided we both wanted to be there and participate in creating a family together.

Over time we realized we weren’t really a good match. After about 7-years of working really hard to make things work, we split up.

Now I’m a single mama. I have 7-year old twins.

We do 50/50 co-parenting. We both love the kids so much and we make it work. It’s not easy but it’s working out and I think our kids are doing really well.

I think our kids are becoming resilient, sensitive and wise because of this experience.

I think we really struggled with communication with each other. Neither of us was able to feel heard or seen in that relationship.

There has been a lot of grieving I have had to go through with this.

I feel like grief comes in waves for me.

I have a very deep spiritual practice. For me, nature is God so I just went there.

There will be weeks where I just can’t stop crying. I think grief is really healthy. It helps us release things that are no longer alive for us. It helps us process loss.

There will be weeks where I’m crying a lot and weeks where I’m like okay, I’m good. I’m here I’m excited about possibilities.

We tend to numb ourselves from it. Grief is really uncomfortable.

We don’t have space in our culture for people to really grieve in a public way.

Learning how to hold space for my own grief I think of it as an act of service. The more I get comfortable with my own grief the more that I am going to be able to hold space for other people’s grief.

We don’t grieve something we don’t love. It teaches us what matters to us, what we care about, what we love what our hearts long for.

I kinda gave myself the summer. I gave myself a break a little bit. I spent a lot of time just walking in the forest letting my mind just wander and learning to love myself again as just me.

We kind of lose parts of ourselves and I think that’s how it should be in a certain way but when you become single again you have this opportunity to discover who you are again. Because we’re never the same. I’m not who I was before this relationship. This relationship obviously changed me. I learned and I grew from it.

I gave myself the space and time to really take care of myself. I spent a lot of time moving my body, eating super healthy food and spending a lot of time in nature. I just let healing happen.

I feel like I’m still in this process of discovering what I want in relationship and what matters to me. I started to look backward a little bit and look at the patterns.

Sometimes we learn more from mistakes than from the things that work out.

One of the things I noticed for me is when I’m in the beginning of a relationship I just want the other person to like me so badly so I wouldn’t pay attention to what they were doing because I was so fused on trying to please them and make them like me that I wasn’t really paying attention to how we were relating to each other.

I started looking at my habits and maybe I wasn’t always as honest as I needed to be.

I’m not looking for a certain kind of person. I want the relationship to feel a certain way and for me, that’s the important thing.

I want to be in a relationships where there is safety and trust and a willingness to continue growing and both people are supported in that.

Before this relationship, I wasn’t very clear on what I was looking for. I feel like this has helped me so much become more clear and I feel like every day I am getting more clear about it.

I didn’t believe I was going to be able to pay rent doing the work I love.

It’s all been working out. I’m standing on my own two feet. That has been huge for me. To really watch myself make it all work. It’s not perfect…challengenges arrive and I just keep meeting the challenges. I just keep grown. Every day I just keep learning something new and that is so satisfying to me.

We probably would have ended the relationship sooner than we did if I was making a larger amount of money and if I had more money saved up.

So much of the money things is just about believing in ourselves and about being able to make things happen and be resourceful.

Money is really just a form of energetic currency. I’m in the process of really learning to value myself and learning to value the work that I bring to the world and the offering that I make to the world.

I think the universe will continue to show us more if we open ourselves up to that. I think a lot of it has to do with our attitude.

Being an entrepreneur takes a lot of courage and a willingness to step into the unknown every day and a willingness to trust that things will work out.

I get all my information from my body and I listen for how I feel when I’m around the person.

I think that we can love people from far away.

Just use your intuition. Our body knows. Everything I do ss trying to get better at listening to her and trusting her. The more I do that…the more I listen to my body and follow her it always takes me in the right direction.

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