Mikayla: like a lot of people in the military we got married after knowing each other for one month

May 11, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I met this guy when I was in the military, and like a lot of people in the military, we got married after knowing each other for one month. Everything seemed okay for the first couple weeks and then it quickly turned into craziness with a bunch of emotional abuse and manipulations.

Me being the type of person I am I thought I could make it better and we ended up getting pregnant a year into it.

Two days before I ended up giving birth to our daughter I found out he was on Tinder and he met someone and he had decided he wanted to pursue her rather than be with me and the baby.

It’s actually the best thing I could have asked for.

I’m sure if you have a good partner it does make it a lot easier being a parent, but for me, the partner I was with, he was never there for me.

This opportunity caused me to go back home and now I am surrounded by all my family, by all my friends, I’m back in the church that I was always involved with throughout my youth.

When I was with him it was kind of like this isolation. He didn’t want me to go out. I was just trying to keep the peace so I always stayed isolated. He was kind of like my whole world.

I was alone and I was crying all the time and everything just seemed so bleak and gray but then I came back.

Now that I’m back and myself again I can go and do whatever I want to do and I can be surrounded by that community of people and see people who actually do love and care about me.

When I decided to leave it was a pretty hard decision to make because I didn’t want to take her grandbaby that she was so excited to see. I didn’t want to take her a thousand miles away. It was heartbreaking but I knew it would be the best for me and the best for the baby.

I didn’t want to take his daughter away from him and have him miss out on all that but he wasn’t interested in the way he should have been in being a parent.

I was always really big into my church when I was younger. I would go on mission trips and I was a big part of the youth group. I got back involved.

I got a new wardrobe, I got a new haircut…everything to make little changes and I’ve also started working out.

All the decisions I get to make for myself. They may not always be the right decisions but knowing I get to do it my own way is great…it’s freeing, it’s empowering.

The person she is going to become is dependent on me and how I raise her and how I nurture her.

I think I would like to be in a better relationship. I’ve seen with family how joyful and how great it can be to have a family and to have someone who is your support. I think I do want that one day but for now, I think it’s best for me to just focus on me and to focus on her.

My big problem was I focused too much on him and what his needs were. I didn’t think about me and what my needs were. I was too busy trying to please someone else that I couldn’t please myself and didn’t even care to please myself. That’s not the way it should be.

I’ve always been the type of person who…I like to fix things and I feel like I can fix them.

As I got older I kind of realized no one can fix their problems but themselves.

Look at the red flags. It’s hard, but the earlier you get out the better it’s going to be for you.

I want everyone to know who is in that situation to know that you are enough. You are more than enough. That person, they just need to figure themselves out. You know who you are. Don’t try to fix them. They need to fix themselves.

Do better for yourself and you can do great things. It will hurt but it will be for the best.

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