I was 35-years old. My wife informed me she wanted a divorce. She was dating another guy and didn’t want to be with me anymore. It really kind of caught me off guard.
To just be told out of the blue more or less I want a divorce is a bit of a punch to the stomach. Quickly I had to figure out, well what do I want to do?
We didn’t have kids yet…I wanted kids. It was like, how do I restart my life?
It was a lot of struggle and a lot of crying myself to sleep at night and wondering where I went wrong and thinking I was a failure but I made it through on the other side.
I felt like my dreams were being crushed and I didn’t know what was going on so I kept the same job and I went in every day like a zombie. It probably took me 6-8 months before I pulled myself out of a dark hole. It took a while.
I started consuming a lot of podcasts and spending a lot of time working on my podcast and watching a lot of movies on Netflix.
Between that and dating I blacked so much of that out that really the big turning point for me was when I met my wife Krissie.
I was about ready to give up and my mom just kept telling me, hey Chris all it takes is one.
I knew of my wife from the stand-up comedy scene. I wanted to bring her on my podcast and interview her but I had a crush on her so I was too scared to talk to her. I found out she kind of liked me as well. It was funny. We were both kind of ignoring each other.
I stumbled upon her profile on Tinder. We matched on Tinder and we started chatting. We’ve been really together ever since.
We ended up having a kid together. I never thought I was going to have a kid. I thought that ship had sailed. I get to be a stay at home dad. It’s just the best experience of my life. We get along great. We have our fights and our battles but it really goes back to what my mom was saying, it only takes one person to completely change your life.
One of the biggest things I love about Krissie is how supportive she is of me and everything I do. I’m a big dreamer. She’s always listening to me and cheering me on.
It’s during those really tough moments where you want to get better. I was depressed, I was anxious, I felt like my life was over but I knew that I needed to make a change. That’s when you have to dig deep and it’s hard and it’s painful and you feel embarrassed and like everyone is making fun of you but you’ve just got to do it and you’re going to feel amazing after you start putting the pieces back together.
Divorce is embarrassing. You feel like you failed at marriage and I’m no good. I can’t even do this.
Even though I knew that marriage was toxic it was still hard to admit that.
I think patience is one of the big things I’ve learned and that life doesn’t revolve around me.
You’ve got to listen. If you don’t listen a lot of times you can’t figure out how to solve the problem that they need solving.
If I could go back to that time it would be to travel more and spend more time with myself. If your goal is to find somebody else you will find somebody. I know you feel at that moment that you won’t, but you will so take a year off and just find yourself.