Judy G: I went into that relationship not understanding family dynamics and things fell apart

September 21, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I left my relationship it was an act of self-love. I found myself in a very toxic situation.

I was in a step-family experience. I was an active step-mom, I don’t have children of my own so I was a childless step-mom. I went into that relationship not understanding family dynamics and things fell apart.

I had reached my breaking point.

when I found myself Suddenly Single it was sudden because within a month I was living in another state and I had to move in with my sister because I didn’t have any money. In the situation I was in, all my finances got turned upside down.

The job I had set up had fallen through by the time I got there. I was in this situation where I didn’t have any money, I didn’t have any credit, I didn’t have a job, my car got a flat tire right as I rolled into town. Everything fell apart all at the same time.

I was heartbroken because I knew what situation had to end, and even though a lot of the toxicity was not coming from my boyfriend, it still had to end.

Part of my recovery is I really had to go into soul searching. I went into learning mode. I guess that is how I deal with situations. I try to understand things better. I was going to the library a lot.

It took years though. It wasn’t an overnight process. I wanted to feel happy again. That was my driving force. Since I knew it was possible, I had this internal driving force to get that for myself again.

I tried and tried and tried all these different things to make it work and I realized these people are not going to change. Nobody else is going to change. That was kind of the ah-ha moment…maybe even an earthquake moment. It hit me so strongly that this situation I was trying so hard to change and I was trying so hard to fix was not going to get fixed. People didn’t want to get fixed.

I had such good intention and I realized the other people in the situation didn’t want to change. So when that hit me at a very deep level. I am losing my sense of self and I am losing my sense of who I am. I’m losing my core values and the things I like about myself. I had no more enjoyment.

It’s about being happy in your core and I lost that.

It was a slow step-by-step process for getting back on my feet.

I no longer had a second income to back me. I no longer had that comfort of those shared expenses, of those shared resources. There’s an upside and downside to that. Because it was only me I could make more sacrifices.

I became very resourceful. I was very careful to only buy what I needed. I was willing to put in the time because I didn’t have the money. It’s that tenacity of always looking forward.

Right now it’s hard but this is temporary because on the other side of this I’m going to have more freedom and help people.

I am a very practical person. I do my best when balancing my emotions and practicality.

The process of that growth was about my healing. How do I not feel resentment?

I wanted to help other people but I needed to help myself first. I needed to figure out what it would take for me to want to be a step-parent again?

I needed to dig deep and really learn about myself in a really deeper way. All the books, they weren’t just self-help books. They gave me a new perspective. Every new book or resource that came into my being was about helping me understand myself better. Why did I choose that relationship?

I very much felt like a victim and I had to overcome that. I had to dig deep into learning about myself.

Remember who you really are in your core. Remember you are not those situations you are in.

When you remember who you really are in your core, that creative part of you…that part of you that is almost magical, your inner child, so to speak, just remember those aspects about you, I think that helps.

Remember who you are from your perspective.

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