Hopefully, this gives us a chance to laugh at some of the times in life we find ourselves suddenly single.

I had been dating him for 6-7 months and I thought it was going well.

I thought surely I would hear from him on Valentine’s Day.

A week passes.

I don’t get any response from him.

I’m someone who doesn’t like any gray areas.

I decide I’m going to go where he works.

We began walking and started talking.

I wonder why we’re walking at such a fast pace.

I asked him to tell me what happened.

He says I’ll just talk to you tomorrow.

He walks down the stairs and when I look he is gone. 

This 6’3” man in a 3-piece suit is running up Park Avenue in New York City!

I’m watching him run the block and make a left and I thought, “WOW! One day this is going to be really funny but right now it is completely humiliating.”

We are two grown adults why are you running away?

Now I just chalk it up to dating in New York City.

I thought it was really disrespectful to go out that way.

I realized the person I was dating I didn’t really know.

I did not expect it to end with him running down the street.

I remember calling my best friend and saying, “You’re not going to believe this story.” 

I tried not to cry on the train home.

I will write it out and it kind of helps me to just get it out.

I tend to be a little more insular and examine it.

I started to see that certain things weren’t exactly as they seemed.

Something about the time that we were spending wasn’t as frequent as it had been before.

Music is a big thing for me.

I’ve always leaned on music even as a child.

I spent time with friends reconnecting with people again.

Reminding myself that is wasn’t my fault. Just because a relationship fails doesn’t mean it’s an indictment on yourself or the other person. Sometimes it just doesn’t work.

While the ending was really messy there were good times that had existed within that.

When things intuitively don’t feel right pay attention to those things.

I expected more of this person and I thought more of this person

Realizing this was just one situation and I’m not going to apply it to the 3 billion men in the world and make anyone pay for what happened. 

Unfortunately, he didn’t have the vocabulary or the wherewithal to have that conversation with me.

Everyone is going to make their own choices.

One of the things I learned is that you can’t force someone to meet you where you are.

I think there’s always an ownership everyone has to take. It’s never one-sided.

When I was younger and I was a teenager I was more of a hothead

I practiced not letting someone take me out of my own character and really stay rooted in my own beliefs.

There was a time in my 20’s where I thought it was all my fault

For me, journaling helps me a lot to look at the situation as if I’m not in it but I’m outside it.

If one out of two marriages ends in divorce what’s the statistic for relationships? A lot higher than that.

I wish that he would have handled it better.

There were times I felt I couldn’t be clear about what I wanted because it would push the other person away.

Realize that it’s not you. Sometimes things just don’t work out.

The more you spend blaming yourself or blaming someone else is the less time you give yourself to heal and then move on. 

My marriage was quite psychologically and emotionally abusive.

I left him the first time when I was pregnant with my second child.

I had a vision of myself on two different paths. I saw who I became if I stayed and I saw who I became if I went.

I saw a very powerful version of myself if I left.

I knew if I stayed I was teaching my children you put up with a bad situation.

I didn’t want them to grow up thinking this was the way you deserve to be treated.

I found him on Ashley Madison.

He held the money card.

I was working three jobs for a while.

Those jobs were not earning enough to cover expenses.

Now that you’re a single parent you have to understand what you’re getting into.

The vision of the powerful woman is starting to unfold.

I had to really look at how I attracted such a terrible relationship.

I didn’t realize until I was out and looking back at that relationship how horrible it actually was.

I had to take a good look at myself.

There’s a history of abusive relationships in my family.

He showered me with loads and loads of attention.

He would say things like, “Do you think you’re intelligent enough to read that?”

The abuse was very underhanded.

It was never his fault it was always mine.

The growth in myself is being able to say I am good enough.

It’s actually okay to not be 100% perfect.

It’s okay to make mistakes and not berate yourself for them.

I’ve even had to remove my own mother from my life so I can become who I’m meant to be and grow.

To grow and become the strong person I need to grow into I can’t live my life trying to please other people.

It wasn’t an easy decision to make but I’m better for it.

Just because he doesn’t hit you doesn’t mean it’s not abuse.

I’ve made a lot of new friends along the way.

Reading other women’s stories has helped me.

I will get through this because here’s another woman who has gone before me and done it.

I managed and you will manage too.

Get yourself a job or start finding a way to get money into your bank account.

Lean on whoever you can to help you get out. If you need to go to a shelter go.

If you know it’s not right, make the tough decision and go.

Jon co-owns a diamond store

There’s no formula. When life has its setbacks you never know what’s around the corner.

Just by living your normal daily life good things can happen.

Having a sense of perspective can help.

I think everything works out for the best, even though it doesn’t seem like it.

Don’t go buy an engagement ring and then go back to someone. That does not work out.

If you have jewelry you don’t want to wear go to somewhere reputable take in your jewelry and say, “What can I do with it?”

I’m seeing a pattern of people reconnecting with someone from the past after their first marriage didn’t work out.

That’s the thing about jewelry. The person who gave it to you might not be around but you can hold the piece in your hand.

Life hands you its own set of adventures and there’s no way to predict what you’re going to get.

It’s a personal journey.

When you’re in a positive mind space positive things happen.

When I see a broken engagement I see another engagement 12 months or less.

You can inscribe something on a diamond. A secret message to yourself.

Diamonds are the strongest substance on earth.

It’s perfectly okay to have an initial period of sadness and grief in order to fully get over it.

You have to move on. You have a family that cares about you.

Take time for yourself to grieve. Tell your friends what you’re doing but then move on.

After waiting my whole life to meet my match I really thought I had.

During that time I was writing dating and relationship articles for Cosmopolitan and I was working on my first book about the real reasons men commit.

The first half of the book was written with my fabulous relationships in mind.

Keep in mind that I was running all of these things across a renowned relationship coach.

About 10-months into the relationships things really started to break down.

He went from Mr. Perfect to someone who was actually scaring me and breaking me down.

I found myself sobbing to one of my friends.

I’m a highly intelligent person. How did this happen to me?

I offered to standby him if he got help.

It was like a bad Cosmo story.

I was supposed to be the authority on the subject and instead, I was a wreck.

I lost like 15 pounds I couldn’t afford to use.

We decided to write my story into the end of it.

Relationships are complicated.

The book came out and I was doing all this press where people were referring to me as a dating and relationship expert and it was killing me because I was asking myself, “Am I a fraud?”

I don’t believe there is one tried and true answer with relationships.

It changed the way I approach my writing.

The best you can do is be authentic.

You don’t want to trick somebody into a relationship with you.

Be confident with who you are.

I had never experienced a heartbreak that bad before.

I am always amazed at the resiliency of human beings.

Don’t try to weather it alone.

You need to find that circle that is going to help you come back to your complete self.

I left town, I went home and I stayed with my parents for probably two weeks.

I was not handling it at all.

I was reminded of what true love felt like.

Being reminded of those little things and how love actually feels was very helpful for finding my way back to stability.

I spent two weeks on my parents back porch sobbing and writing.

I reached a point in healing and look back on the relationships and recognize the joys I experienced.

In the process of that journey, there were beautiful moments.

If you only remember the trauma and the sadness then why on earth would you want to ever find another relationship?

As human beings, we learn in relationship.

I think most of the lessons we get in life we get from other people.

Staying aware of the positive is important.

I kind of have a great life being single.

It’s about embracing where you are at that moment.

Only you know when you’re ready.

I think it’s about being aware of where you are at and accepting that.

Value the time while you are single.

It is hella painful when you find yourself suddenly single.

If you don’t risk love then you don’t experience it.

Look at the traits the person brought out in you and if they were good or bad.

I realized through the course of the relationship that I was bad at boundaries.

I’m a giver and I always want to make people around me happy.

I learned it’s okay for me to have needs and to say no to things.

He would tell me these stories that didn’t really add up for me

He said all these things that were not verifiable

I didn’t believe him but I also didn’t want to be this awful suspicious journalist person (which is what I am) so I tried to push my suspicions aside

I got a call from NCIS

He was charming he was funny

I cared about being with somebody solid

It was kind of a shock to find out he wasn’t who he seemed to be

I think that as a journalist there’s this tension between being a person living a life and being a person writing about other people’s lives

My spidey sense never really went away

I couldn’t push it aside but I tried to

I kept thinking to myself that I had blown something big

I was really feeling like a bad person

I was looking for these tells

I was really just trying to figure out who he was and what was real and what wasn’t real

He gaslit me

I didn’t know what was real and I didn’t trust myself

She wore a wire and that’s how he got caught

I realized my instincts had been right

He went to jail

I thought nobody would be that mean to lie to somebody again and he did

I thought something was off but I just wasn’t sure

I thought he was lying to me

Trust your gut

There’s this rampant duplicity

We see what we are looking for

I’m really ambivalent about whether I want to be with anyone or not

It’s so easy to lie

I’d have to meet someone pretty spectacular and I can’t imagine where or how

I really listen to myself now

Our intuition is really pretty good at picking up things our conscious mind doesn’t

Have your own money have your own bank account be smart

I think it’s better to err on the side of caution

It’s not your fault is really the message

There are a million reason why you wouldn’t spot being manipulated or lied to or wouldn’t want to spot it

Really smart people get deceived

You have this experience and you learn from it you take the lesson from it

Once something happens you might as well make a reason out of it

My husband is in the air force

The first time he went TDY we didn’t have kids

I came home to an empty house

We got married and left for our first duty assignment

He did a good job preparing me

The more difficult times were when we started to have kids

I didn’t really know anybody

It forced me to greet my neighbors

You have to find a support system

When my son was a newborn we PCS’d and I knew no one

Here I am, new mom, newborn trying to figure things out

For me, it has always been important to keep going in one way or another

We moved overseas and then we were in Kansas when we had our second son

My husband deployed to Baghdad

I felt the pressure to need to find a job

I saw everything being depleted

I stressed myself so much

I needed a job so I went and got it

I gained a lot of weight

A lot of stuff went on emotionally and financially

Even though we’re in the era of WhatsApp, it doesn’t replace the human being that can be in front of you

When you keep your mind busy and yourself busy it makes time go fast

Not having your spouse there to hold you when you’re having a bad day that’s rough, but being a military spouse, fortunately, has made me stronger. It never makes it easier but it has made me stronger.

You have to give yourself the grace to have those down days

I find when I take some time for me it allows me to think clearer

We have a lot going on and a lot of decisions to make

When we take care of ourselves it allows you to clear some of the mind so you can make better decisions

When you think you can’t do it or you’re overwhelmed you absolutely can

When you have a military spouse friend they know what they are going through

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I met my ex-husband when I was 17

We were together 17 years

It was the first time I was ever single in my adult life

It was my choice to end the relationship

It was not how I envisioned my life to be

It was more about rebuilding the infrastructure of my life

There were a lot of things I depended on my husband for

There was a lot of trauma that happened for me post-divorce than within the relationship

It was important for me to heal and go through the healing journey

I forced myself to look at it and heal through it so that I don’t take that with me into the future

I cried a lot

I just kept getting triggered and triggered and triggered

You keep thinking I got this and then you get triggered and you’re just a complete mess

Feeling though all the feelings, allowing myself to be angry

When the timing is right I end up where I need to be

I didn’t run away from anything

I’m still figuring things out

To really learn who I am and to discover myself, I had to rebuild myself up and get in touch with who I am

I’m very much into energy, energy work, consciousness

That spiritual side of me go put away

I was shut down in so many places I didn’t even realize I was shut down in

I had to get back in touch with my feminine

I felt how separated I was from myself

How do I put myself back together because I was broken

I would meet with different energy healers

I was learning about myself

Having the ability and a safe space to move in a certain way put me back in touch with my femininity

I created my own roadmap and followed it

I redid my closet and got rid of as much black as I could

I am so content being alone, not lonely but alone

I love walking into my house and it’s just mine

I love my space

I was so shocked by how many people showed up to support me

I remember just bursting into tears

I felt supported, no one’s going to let me fall

Figure out who you are

This is your moment in time when you are raw and broken and putting yourself back together

You can forgive when you are ready to forgive

I felt so gratefulness for him and the lessons he taught me

Don’t force yourself into anything, just keep focusing on you and the rest will fall into place

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was married for 22 years

Our paths were going separate ways

Things started to get really thin

We didn’t have that much going on together

I woke up every morning and I would journal

I had stayed too long at the fair

We really did love each other but the thing wasn’t there anymore

No professional growth no personal growth

It was like two separate lives

I was crying while I was writing

One day I was dry-eyed and it had passed

Sometimes we get signs and we have to look at them with curiosity

It was a lightbulb moment

Suddenly my eyes were open to the fact that there are a lot of amazing people around in my life and all I have to do it invite them in

I was very nose down do what I needed to do

The community you develop can not only support you but also open you up to other ways of being

You’re not alone at all

If you’re open like that you just grow

Take small steps to do different things that are difficult at first

Go up against that thing that freezes you up.

There will be grief

Allow yourself to be in this new world

Breaking things down into what they really are helps so much

I moved 3000 miles away

You never know what is going to happen out of taking that chance

When you live and when you step out into it you get things that you never ever could have predicted

Letting them know they can love each parent for who they are

The biggest thing to do is hold each other up for the love that you did have together so the children see that

Make it so they are not pulled into any drama

It’s been lovely in a lot of ways

I started to grow out of myself

I was feeling emotionally beat up

My kids got new friends, I got a new sense of being and I got a story published

When you do things with love, authenticity, integrity it will work out

I journaled every morning and that really, really helped

You have to dump those feelings so they don’t stay

I was being attentive to clues and cues around me

When you open yourself up to possibilities you start to see things you never would have imagined before

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had been living 2.5 months in an alternate reality

There were no real grounds to have any red flags

I thought it was great out of the gym team chemistry

It was getting pretty serious…he was asking for ring sizes

I saw them arriving together with him driving her car

He had been dating both of us at the same time

It engulfed me in so much worry about this other situation he was feeding me as to why he couldn’t see me

It was all a lie and I had been believing it

Once I realized it was all fake it was like believing that the grass was purple

It was the most bizarre situation I have ever been in

It would have been better if he had ghosted me

You can’t make this stuff up

I’m someone who is a people pleaser

We came from significantly diverse backgrounds

I’m a sucker for a goofy boy

He had manipulated himself into someone who looked like he hadn’t made the best decisions in his past but was here now to make them right

He tells me he got named in a government case in this 10-year old drug ring in the Southside of Chicago

It was a sob story, I’m going to prison you shouldn’t be with me

I kept this secret inside me

I was just stuck on this big information island for 3-months

I don’t think she knew what he did to me

Suddenly I heard stories of so many people who had run into the law that nobody ever talks about it

Once I realized it was a lie it was so easy

Once you realize something you are worried about isn’t real then you’re just relieved

I was returning to myself and reestablishing my life as a strong independent woman

I was a trusting person

I don’t buy into the idea that people can be damaged from relationships

You certainly don’t feel like you have to go through it alone

I’ve been trying not to have up front expectations based on past experiences

I try to see the good in people and have an open mind

You want someone to be experienced enough so they can be a whole half to your relationship

What I tell myself is there is good going on around me and good happening for me that I may not see and I may never know about

Believe in that faith that good things are happening

I dodged a bullet

I was the only woman out of that whole year who didn’t end up pregnant

The end lesson of it was that I was actually being protected

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was getting dressed to go to some couples therapy when I got this text message

I hadn’t seen it coming

Hindsight is 20/20

Sometimes looking back I can’t believe I didn’t see it coming

I knew we were at a make or break point in our relationship. I thought it was a make point.

I am still remarked at the magnitude of the loss

We’ve all been through breakups that have hurt

There are so many layers to the loss I’m surprised I’m I’m still feeling it at the magnitude that I do

I feel like I lost my best friend…like my best friend died

I understand the grief process now

I didn’t even recognize myself in the mirror because something was missing and I could see it in my face

When somebody says I’m out you have to let them go

I chose to acquiesce and not do anything

It was the hardest decision I ever made

If someone is putting you on a pedestal it’s easy to devalue them

Moving forward was like climbing Mt. Everest

I just want to get through the day and here’s how I take care of me

I read a lot

I learned more about myself

Learning somehow makes some of the pain worth it

I can learn about me

I can grow from here

I had an unceremonious awakening

I had a breakdown on the streets of New York

I remember thinking a year from now I’ll be in a completely different place regardless of what happens

I’m sure I’ll be able to find the silver lining here somewhere

There could be so much less grief in the world if we all understood our own backgrounds better and our partner’s backgrounds better

Love is not a zero-sum game

What you’re losing could be opening a space for you to gain something

Just because something ends doesn’t mean it was your fault