Crystal: Bruised, battered, and on a mission

April 8, 2019

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was from a very very small town

I came from a religious background

I met a boy and he was a bit of a bad boy

After two years he asked me to marry him

I was excited and very much in love

Two weeks after the wedding his sister knocked on my door and said I have to tell you something

I couldn’t imagine there could be anything horrible before that moment

She told me my new husband was a convicted felon and had spent 18 months in a federal penitentiary

He came in the door I confronted him and that was the first time he hit me

I didn’t really know what to do

He was instantly remorseful he said he’d never do it again I believed him

He started coming in late he started drinking more…he changed

The second time he hit me landed me in the hospital for almost two weeks

It was in the hospital bed I decided no more

I was bruised and battered and I was on a mission

In the hospital, I planned and plotted

I got out of the hospital and essentially I was single at the point

I decided I would stay with him long enough so that I could gather enough money to leave

I hired an attorney

He would call me and threaten my life telling me he would beat me with a baseball bat

I had to watch my back

I was scared but I knew I had to leave this person

I said to myself I will never again go back to that situation

I had a full-time job, a part-time job and I got another job and went to school full-time

That was at a time when police and judges didn’t take domestic violence so seriously as they do today so I didn’t have a lot of support

I had to wait two years for a divorce

Two years of stalking and being attacked

I was ashamed, I was embarrassed but I had to find a way to pick it up

I decided there had to be some good to come out of this…some way I could use this help others

I learned although my situation was horrible there were people who had it a lot worse than I did

It was uplifting for me and helped me to see my situation better

It helped me see myself as a person who could survive

Without that, I would not have met my now husband

Ultimately it all had its purpose and it worked its way out

There is no reason someone’s hand should come at you that way but at the time I felt like I deserved it

You didn’t do anything to deserve a hit or an infidelity

The counselor said to me, “You’re broken and you don’t even see the cracks.”

This brokenness that you are are what left the door open for him

I had to realize there was something in me that allowed this

A lot of what he did to me was a manipulation that started at the very beginning

What was it about me that was blinded to that

What about you allowed it?

I need to be perfect and if they knew this happened to me I’m no longer perfect

I really planned my exit and it’s important to do that

Getting a therapist was a pivotal decision

You have to take the time to think about what you’re doing and how you’re going to do it

As women, we take things on our shoulders

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