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I had been living 2.5 months in an alternate reality
There were no real grounds to have any red flags
I thought it was great out of the gym team chemistry
It was getting pretty serious…he was asking for ring sizes
I saw them arriving together with him driving her car
He had been dating both of us at the same time
It engulfed me in so much worry about this other situation he was feeding me as to why he couldn’t see me
It was all a lie and I had been believing it
Once I realized it was all fake it was like believing that the grass was purple
It was the most bizarre situation I have ever been in
It would have been better if he had ghosted me
You can’t make this stuff up
I’m someone who is a people pleaser
We came from significantly diverse backgrounds
I’m a sucker for a goofy boy
He had manipulated himself into someone who looked like he hadn’t made the best decisions in his past but was here now to make them right
He tells me he got named in a government case in this 10-year old drug ring in the Southside of Chicago
It was a sob story, I’m going to prison you shouldn’t be with me
I kept this secret inside me
I was just stuck on this big information island for 3-months
I don’t think she knew what he did to me
Suddenly I heard stories of so many people who had run into the law that nobody ever talks about it
Once I realized it was a lie it was so easy
Once you realize something you are worried about isn’t real then you’re just relieved
I was returning to myself and reestablishing my life as a strong independent woman
I was a trusting person
I don’t buy into the idea that people can be damaged from relationships
You certainly don’t feel like you have to go through it alone
I’ve been trying not to have up front expectations based on past experiences
I try to see the good in people and have an open mind
You want someone to be experienced enough so they can be a whole half to your relationship
What I tell myself is there is good going on around me and good happening for me that I may not see and I may never know about
Believe in that faith that good things are happening
I dodged a bullet
I was the only woman out of that whole year who didn’t end up pregnant
The end lesson of it was that I was actually being protected