Kimberly N: It was like a bad Cosmo story

June 24, 2019

After waiting my whole life to meet my match I really thought I had.

During that time I was writing dating and relationship articles for Cosmopolitan and I was working on my first book about the real reasons men commit.

The first half of the book was written with my fabulous relationships in mind.

Keep in mind that I was running all of these things across a renowned relationship coach.

About 10-months into the relationships things really started to break down.

He went from Mr. Perfect to someone who was actually scaring me and breaking me down.

I found myself sobbing to one of my friends.

I’m a highly intelligent person. How did this happen to me?

I offered to standby him if he got help.

It was like a bad Cosmo story.

I was supposed to be the authority on the subject and instead, I was a wreck.

I lost like 15 pounds I couldn’t afford to use.

We decided to write my story into the end of it.

Relationships are complicated.

The book came out and I was doing all this press where people were referring to me as a dating and relationship expert and it was killing me because I was asking myself, “Am I a fraud?”

I don’t believe there is one tried and true answer with relationships.

It changed the way I approach my writing.

The best you can do is be authentic.

You don’t want to trick somebody into a relationship with you.

Be confident with who you are.

I had never experienced a heartbreak that bad before.

I am always amazed at the resiliency of human beings.

Don’t try to weather it alone.

You need to find that circle that is going to help you come back to your complete self.

I left town, I went home and I stayed with my parents for probably two weeks.

I was not handling it at all.

I was reminded of what true love felt like.

Being reminded of those little things and how love actually feels was very helpful for finding my way back to stability.

I spent two weeks on my parents back porch sobbing and writing.

I reached a point in healing and look back on the relationships and recognize the joys I experienced.

In the process of that journey, there were beautiful moments.

If you only remember the trauma and the sadness then why on earth would you want to ever find another relationship?

As human beings, we learn in relationship.

I think most of the lessons we get in life we get from other people.

Staying aware of the positive is important.

I kind of have a great life being single.

It’s about embracing where you are at that moment.

Only you know when you’re ready.

I think it’s about being aware of where you are at and accepting that.

Value the time while you are single.

It is hella painful when you find yourself suddenly single.

If you don’t risk love then you don’t experience it.

Look at the traits the person brought out in you and if they were good or bad.

I realized through the course of the relationship that I was bad at boundaries.

I’m a giver and I always want to make people around me happy.

I learned it’s okay for me to have needs and to say no to things.

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