My marriage was quite psychologically and emotionally abusive.
I left him the first time when I was pregnant with my second child.
I had a vision of myself on two different paths. I saw who I became if I stayed and I saw who I became if I went.
I saw a very powerful version of myself if I left.
I knew if I stayed I was teaching my children you put up with a bad situation.
I didn’t want them to grow up thinking this was the way you deserve to be treated.
I found him on Ashley Madison.
He held the money card.
I was working three jobs for a while.
Those jobs were not earning enough to cover expenses.
Now that you’re a single parent you have to understand what you’re getting into.
The vision of the powerful woman is starting to unfold.
I had to really look at how I attracted such a terrible relationship.
I didn’t realize until I was out and looking back at that relationship how horrible it actually was.
I had to take a good look at myself.
There’s a history of abusive relationships in my family.
He showered me with loads and loads of attention.
He would say things like, “Do you think you’re intelligent enough to read that?”
The abuse was very underhanded.
It was never his fault it was always mine.
The growth in myself is being able to say I am good enough.
It’s actually okay to not be 100% perfect.
It’s okay to make mistakes and not berate yourself for them.
I’ve even had to remove my own mother from my life so I can become who I’m meant to be and grow.
To grow and become the strong person I need to grow into I can’t live my life trying to please other people.
It wasn’t an easy decision to make but I’m better for it.
Just because he doesn’t hit you doesn’t mean it’s not abuse.
I’ve made a lot of new friends along the way.
Reading other women’s stories has helped me.
I will get through this because here’s another woman who has gone before me and done it.
I managed and you will manage too.
Get yourself a job or start finding a way to get money into your bank account.
Lean on whoever you can to help you get out. If you need to go to a shelter go.
If you know it’s not right, make the tough decision and go.