Olivia L: I started to feel like I’m so old but so young

September 3, 2019

I had been in a committed dating relationship since I was 20 years old.

I started to feel like I’m so old but so young.

Do we get married? Do we keep the relationship as is?

It felt like I was being the unfair one in the relationship, which was a really hard thing to admit.

For this immediate moment, it felt like the right decision.

There were a lot of tears. There was a lot of fear.

His initial reaction was anger and confusion.

I’ve been able to dedicate my best self to my work, and spending time with my friends, and travel.

In my gut, I knew what I needed, and I needed some time for myself.

When I’m in a relationship I’m less likely to go out of my way and try to meet random people and strike up conversations and take chances I would have normally shied away from.

I tended to shy away from some of that outreach and relationship building with other people for the sake of not threatening my current relationship.

I’ve had a lot of growth in the past year that I’m incredibly thankful for.

It has given me the ability to be selfish in the way that I need to be.

I don’t have to affect anyone with that decision besides myself.

I think going forward it will make me better equipped to handle my relationship because it has taught me my non-negotiables are.

Lately, I have been feeling so fearless. I just needed to give myself permission to not be afraid to do things.

Stringing a person along for me is just not an option. You have to do what you have to do.

A lot of young women are afraid.

If it’s not a hell yes it’s no in my mind. I had to act on it.

I see so many people in relationships that are admittedly not their happiest. They just think it’s the easy choice.

Why am I thinking through this in the way I am?

I was just really getting inside my head.

For me, the best mindset to have is an open one.

When you’re 20 you don’t know what you want and what your future is going to look like.

People are afraid to be open with what they genuinely want.

There have been tears. Holidays pass. You think about that person when you see something on TV and you’re questioning. Did I make the right choice?

A dating relationship just different. Not having that person and have someone genuinely care and be willing to listen has been really tough for me. I miss having that confidant.

What are those priorities? What do you see for yourself?

If things are meant to be and you’re meant to be with that person then you’ll find your way back to them.

I wrote a letter to myself reminding myself I was strong and I need to trust my gut.

Spend a lot of time self-reflecting and I really recommend writing down your thoughts and then setting them down for a little bit and then going back to them.

You don’t have to sound any alarms but they can be a sounding board for your before it escalates to the next level.

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