Jeanette: We are all trying to be too tough

January 20, 2020

We were together for about 4-years and were two weeks out of buying a condo together…we had been living together for 2-years talking marriage.

I got a text saying, “We’re over. Please be out by Sunday.” It was a little sudden and out of nowhere.

The first day I didn’t know what to think so I grabbed a bottle and sat on the bathroom floor and cried. I did that for about a day and a half.

No answer is an answer and you have let go at that point.

I had a fabulous tribe that showed up.

I had $10.00 in my bank account…we had just purchased a business 10-months earlier. We had agreed he would pay all of our personal bills for 2-years and I would put all of my money back into the business.

At 34-years old I got to move back into my parent’s basement. Every grown woman’s dream. It worked out. I’m grateful I had that opportunity but it wasn’t my dream.

I look back and I can see why I was so unhappy for 4-years and hadn’t really realized it. I still kinda feel like maybe I should have broken up with me. This went the wrong way. I should have been the one walking out.

I had changed so much over that time we were together. He had started to wear on me.

I was always walking on eggshells or trying to see the positive but seeing the negative that was all that was pointed out to me. I’d gotten to the point where I had tremors and cluster headaches.

Everything about me had changed and my body was clearly revolting and saying this isn’t the way you want to live.

I still had to keep my business going. I couldn’t just shut everything down because this was now my sole source of income. It was my only way to live. It kind of inspired me to work harder.

I got over this relationship a lot quicker than anyone thought I was going to do.

I started leaning into my community. I started leaning into getting reiki services and getting massages.

I was trying to just deal with it. We all just want to suck it up, put our big girl pants, and go throughout our day…but sometimes you have to lean on other people.

I don’t think it was ever about me. I don’t think him leaving was about me. I don’t think him being in the relationship was about me. Having that clarity of mind but it really helped me process and then realize who I was and who I didn’t want to be any more from there.

Hearing other people’s stories and talking to other people and being open just helps you to heal so much.

We are all trying to be too tough. Honestly, the biggest thing I learned was coming out of that particular relationship was to start talking about it…to start talking about how I was human and how things hurt and it wasn’t fun and how occasionally I missed my life.

I missed going home to somebody, even if I wasn’t happy with that somebody.

I realized I am a lot stronger than I thought I was.

I really started leaning into being a lot more feminine. I grew up a jock. I’d always thought left-brained.

As I was coming into my new self, I started leaning into being more of the nurturer, being more empathetic looking more into beauty and art and dressing girlier and wearing jewelry and I just feel so alive and so me in a way that I never had before that and I don’t know that I would have ever changed it and I stayed with him.

I want to be the calm in the storm. I want to be the thing that brings beauty and positivity and happiness to anybody I’m around.

Your aura is your best advertisement.

I think a lot of us need a lot more empathy and compassion and those things that women are known for.

Now I do mediations all the time on my divine feminine.

I feel so much more connected to everything and everyone around me.

Whatever breaking point you think you’re at, you can bounce back.

I’m doing better than ever. I have become so much more aware of my life and what I want and I don’t want to settle for anything that makes me feel less than fantastic.

I’ve become so comfortable with myself that I can sit at home alone and be perfectly comfortable too.

You look back and see all the things you thought would break you and we’re all still kicking. It’s pretty amazing.

Do what you need to do. Feel what you need to feel in that moment.

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