Daniel: I was looking for this fairytale

February 24, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve been single for five years now without being in a committed relationship.

I remember sitting in the car with my girlfriend at the time and saying, “I don’t think this is going to work out.”

The relationship was four years long. I found myself single with the leftover aftermath of being in an abusive relationship.

I thought this was just a breakup, it was going to make me feel great about myself.

I realized the past five years have been a lot of personal growth and development, loneliness, and realizing where I’m coming from. I realize ending a relationship, whether you’re the one ending it or not you still find yourself in a similar position as the other person.

When you go through loneliness it’s like a detox from reality. You find yourself having to come up with a lot of coping mechanisms.

Instead of allowing yourself to have the most heightened state of energy and being loving and caring, you’re withdrawing and you’re neglecting and you’re protecting your own ego.

The same time I was going through the breakup with her I was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

I found the things that supported me the most were people who were closest to me, getting a therapist, getting all the boxes checked for my mental health and the biggest thing for me, self-care was simple basic things…getting your diet right, exercising, meditating. I use Headspace very frequently.

It took rock bottom. It took feeling like there was no other choice than to listen to all the people around me to get help.

My relationship was a very toxic and abusive one. Something I’m coming to terms with is that I may have been the one who was abusive and at the same time she was abusive. There can be two sides to the abuse.

As someone who feels pain emotionally and physically, it was a big emotional wound for me.

It was one of those relationships that was high passion high conflict. I had to heal from the trauma of that relationship, which I’m still working through five years later.

The one thing that kept me grounded was deep down knowing how successful I was going to be. I knew these experiences were going to allow me to help someone in the future.

Relationships are really a reflection of who you are. I adopted the relationship model was used to. I thought I was always in the right. I do think I was definitely a party to the toxicity of the relationship.

I started doing a lot of writing about this and it has helped me get over my abuse. Writing is a good outlet for anyone who is trying to heal or understand what’s going on internally.

I was looking for this fairytale.

You search for this love that will fit perfectly when you realize all you have is yourself. That’s what I realized from my relationship. If I’m not right with myself, then the next relationship is just going to be a demise.

For me dating with an intention was very healing.

I found connecting with women, healthy women, women that understand me has really opened my eyes to what is possible. I think the best reason to continue dating is to understand what’s possible and what’s out there.

The best thing is to put yourself out there even on the days you don’t want to put yourself out there. Show up to the plate.

If you can learn how to connect with people you can learn how to have some great conversations that end up being pretty healing for yourself.

Do 100 things a day that you’re afraid of. We sit in our minds afraid a lot of time. We’re reacting because we’re afraid of something. Go out. Act. Learn something. Do something new. Write.

It’s really taking action and when you don’t feel like taking action having a way to cope with that.

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