I found myself Suddenly Single a little over eight years ago.
I feel like the journey I needed to take that was crucial to my wellbeing was not going to happen if I was in that marriage.
I felt like the last couple of years of my marriage I was slowly unraveling. I had to leave that marriage to go on this journey. It’s been a journey of empowerment and healing. I have found empowerment in being single.
When we’re young, as women, we’re taught we need to have in our life to take care of us and I’ve come to find out joyfully and painfully that that’s not the truth.
In that marriage, I was wearing a lot of masks of who I thought I needed to be.
I thought I had control in my life when I made my life look perfect. My life was not perfect. Taking care of my mom and my sister was kind of like a shattering. It shattered that illusion of perfection and it made me face the reality of where I was at.
My ex-husband is an incredible human being. My marriage was not a bad marriage. It’s just that I was not doing the work I needed to do to heal within myself.
I felt like I had a calling…like there was something bigger than myself within myself and I felt like there was so much more that I came into this life to do and it was not going to come to pass in that marriage. I knew I had a bigger destiny that I had to fulfill.
Even though I knew I was doing the right thing by leaving my marriage it was probably some of the darkest days of my life. I went a little crazy…I started drinking a lot…I felt like a failure…like I couldn’t.
I felt like a quitter so I felt like I needed to be punished for that.
I needed to figure out who Audra was again because the only Audra I knew was Audra as a wife, Audra as a mom, Audra as a caregiver and I didn’t know who I was anymore at the depth of my soul so I went on a soul journey and I started investigating things I had interest in because I had put all these things on the back burner.
I always came last and I was finally putting myself first.
I finally came to a place of realizing the reason I needed to leave that marriage was not to meet anybody else outside of myself but to actually meet myself.
I decided to take Reiki classes and I absolutely loved it because it was very spiritual to me.
I went and got myself clinically certified in hypnotherapy. I felt like I started my life completely over.
When I started taking the energy classes I met a group of people who were mirroring back to me a self that I had never seen before and so that made me excited to explore that part of myself.
It has probably been the hardest eight years of my life but it has also been the most incredible eight years as well. I have found so much empowerment in myself and not needing somebody else to fill the space.
Even though it has been challenging, painful and sometimes very lonely, it has been well worth it. I know I made the right decision in leaving that marriage and I wouldn’t take back a single second of the hardship. It was completely worth it.
When I first separated my kids were mad at me. I think they understood but they were still angry because not only did I shatter the life that I thought I was supposed to have but I shattered their world too. But I think them watching me go through my won journey they understood it and it has made our relationships so much more.
I think that is the best thing I could have shown them as a mother…how to feel empowered on your own two feet, and how to take care of yourself and how if you’re not loving yourself how to learn how to do that what that looks like.
You can’t judge anyone by the choices they are making because you’re not living their life but I don’t think, in my personal opinion, I don’t think the kids should be the reason you stay because if that’s the only reason that you’re staying then whatever relationship you have with your partner isn’t a good model.
I’m looking forward to publishing my book and speaking about healing. My future looks really bright and I’m so excited!
Don’t be afraid to walk through your fears and even though change is uncomfortable, in a lot of cases, change is what’s best for us. Walk through those fears and self-doubt, spread your wings.