Danielle S: My purpose was definitely birthed through pain

April 27, 2020









It was a very quick marriage, a very quick courting and I felt that everything was right to walk down the aisle.

About nine months into the marriage, he had two children and their mom passed away and so the children came to stay with us. Before that, we had a good relationship.

There was verbal abuse, then it became emotional and financial. It just became really hard to stay with someone who was downing me all the time.

I started doing research on abuse…different types of abuse and honestly up until that point I had only known of physical abuse.

I said can we try counseling and he said no.

Finally, I said I have to take a stand and leave.

I’m a firm believer that the things that you go through are for other people. I know I had to go through that in order to help someone else. In order to understand people that are dealing with abuse.

Once I dealt with it I was able to help people in a different way. I noticed a change within myself. It was empowering to me.

My purpose was definitely birthed through pain and I’m thankful for that.

Before we got married I felt like we shouldn’t get married. I wasn’t thirsty to be married.

I had dealt with a lot of rejection in my life so I was always the type who would leave them before they leave me. I never got close with people.

When I thought I shouldn’t marry him I thought it was fear.

After being married and being divorced I felt like divorce was the best thing for me. I needed to experience divorce because I was so adamant and about being married and only being married one time.

I’m thankful I’m not bitter. I still love love. I still expect love.

I’m trusting me more. I’m just in a different place now.

We talk about what we want but this divorce has taught me what I don’t want. What I want in a mate is nice, is safe. What I don’t want is my protection. I can definitely say I don’t want to marry someone that does not support my dreams, that doesn’t support my purpose, that doesn’t support my vision.

If I’m not completing my vision then I’m not happy so I’m protective of those things. I believe that is the growth and that is the success.

My home is my sanctuary, my peace. My daughter wasn’t used to all of that arguing.

My daughter said she didn’t want to get married and my heart broke. I said we’ll make sure you get a better husband. Mommy will look at him as well. That broke my heart that she didn’t want love because of what she saw me go through.

I dealt with the separation for a year before anyone knew. I’m not close to my family.

I stayed longer than I should have. The main reason I stayed with him was his son. I knew if we divorced his son would have no one. Sure enough, that happened. But I couldn’t worry about him any longer. I didn’t want to leave him.

We literally got married after 3-weeks of knowing each other. It was very hard to think about what would be said about that.

I finally opened up after years and then this happened? Can I trust myself?

Divorce is grieving. I had never heard that before.

Trust yourself. Learn how to trust yourself. Learn to trust the words that are coming out of your mouth. Trust the words you’re saying in your head. Trust your heart.

Meditate. That’s what it took for me. I had to center myself.

Speak to wise counsel. Someone who does not know you or your mate.

You can find love again. It doesn’t matter how old you are.

When I left my husband I saved my life. I saved my own life. I was getting into a deep depression.

If you’re fighting alone that’s unhealthy. I had to save me. If you’re not healthy your marriage isn’t healthy.

When you deal with abuse you feel like you’re all alone. Statistics say thousands deal with abuse, so, unfortunately, you’re not alone. Someone else has been through what you’re going through. You’re not the problem. Nothing is wrong with you. You’re not broken.

I enjoy telling people you’re not alone. I enjoy telling people I understand you and I believe you.

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