We met on a blind date. At first, I couldn’t stand him, I thought he was awful but as time progressed I started to like him. Eventually, we got married and we were together for 17-years and eventually, we just grew apart.
We were taking vacations separately and he was working a lot and I was doing my own thing so he was like a roommate. I said we gotta go our separate ways.
After that, I went on this huge dating rampage. I had no kids. I was having a good time going to all the clubs, going to the bars, meeting new friends, meeting new boys…I was dating heavily going through the mingling mix.
I was having a really good time. I was doing all the things I didn’t do when I was married.
We got along. He was my best friend. We were great roommates but he wasn’t a partner.
He said he met somebody. It was a really bad trip after that. Security had to be called at one point because I was so irate.
I dated a lot. Looking back now that was not the best choice. I was trying to validate who I was as a woman because I didn’t get that at home for many years when I was married.
I was dating someone for about 18-months and during that time I became pregnant with my daughter. That was the best thing ever because it changed my life going forward because my life revolves around her.
Also during that period of time, I dated someone from work and I contracted HIV so I’m HIV positive because of that stretch of time. Thankfully now with medications, I’m undetectable. Lots of lessons learned during that period of time. I don’t talk about that a lot but it lives with me every day.
I didn’t think I could get pregnant. When I told him I was pregnant with her he wanted nothing to do with it. He was in complete denial. I’m 100% a single mom.
I had to move back in with my mom. All my stuff went into storage. I was there for like 2-years. I went back to school and got two degrees.
It was so hard financially. I went through bankruptcy. I lost everything but it was the best 2-years of my life because I bonded with my daughter like there was no tomorrow. It was a good time.
I found myself. I found what I wanted to do in life. I had to take a step back and look to see what I wanted to do with my life. What was going to put food on the table?
It was tough and it was a struggle but you have to strategize what you want to do. Look ahead. Not what’s in front of you right now but look down the road. Now is your time to reinvent yourself. Make it realistic.
If I can do it, anybody can do it. I’m not the most studious person. I’m not the most patient person. I didn’t want to sit there and take tests but I pressed on.
I grew up overnight. I had to focus on being a mother and being an adult and being responsible because it’s all on my shoulders. If I don’t do it no one is going to do it for me.
When the time is right it will happen. I will find someone who loves me, who loves my daughter and respects all the time I have to spend with work, and with travel soccer and school stuff. It’s just not a priority anymore.
You can do it. Never doubt yourself. Follow your instincts. Follow your head and your heart and get them in sync. Take some time and do a lot of self-reflection.
Find your passion and go for it. Tap into those resources. There are so many resources out there that you can use. It’s amazing when you start talking to people how they can help you.
We want to help each other. We get busy with day-to-day lives but I think ultimately we’re here to help each other and lift each other up.