Gift: This was a classic case of it being my first love

July 20, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We met because we were going to the same Officer’s Selection office. We hit it off and started dating.

This was a classic case of it being my first love and for me wanting very badly for it to be the one and only. It was my first boyfriend, it was my first serious relationship and

We dated for a good 5-6 years off and off. There were signs this wasn’t the right relationship for both of us. There were little things that were not quite gelling. But I just wanted it so bad.

When you want it so badly you can’t necessarily see that maybe this isn’t the greatest fit for you.

We finally got engaged. I was so excited to tell my family but I was nervous to share this news with our friends. I sort of played it off.

I knew when I told my friends they were going to have some concerns because we had been off and on for so many years and we just never seemed to be able to stick it out for a good amount of time.

I threw myself into planning because that’s what you do. It was a way to ignore the knowledge that people maybe didn’t know whether or not this was actually going to happen.

We were with our wedding planners and he asked, how do you know if it’s just cold feet?

They were very diplomatic about it.

He was being reassigned and had to move for work and he didn’t feel right about me coming with him and he didn’t feel right about moving forward with the wedding. There’s a lot of heartbreak and a lot of wine that goes into finding that out.

I had to go to work the day after and folks noticed I wasn’t wearing my ring. I had to be not devastated about it because it’s work and you can’t be losing your composure in the middle of a bank.

It was absolutely devastating. Luckily my parents are here and I was able to go home and be somewhere where I could disappear a little bit. It took a very long time to get over it.

I did not realize that I had been healing. The Navy chaplain pointed it out. It was just happening.

It was something I wasn’t focused on specifically. If I were to have focused on it exclusively it would have been harder. It’s like going to sleep. When you go to sleep your body is able to restore itself.

Letting my mind and my body so it’s work without me getting in my own way…it was an incredible gift that he gave me. I really appreciate it.

It’s really important to believe in compromise without loss. You can’t lose yourself. There are certain things you don’t compromise on and I call them my non-negotiables. I ask myself, if I negotiate on this is it going to take away from who I am as a person?

There are so many things that go into building you, you can’t budge on that. Just learning what it is I’m willing to compromise on and what I’m not was a huge thing for me.

When that relationship ended I had conversations with friends of mine who said to me that when I was in that relationship I was less myself and I was losing pieces of myself.

When I met my now-husband he said to me, sometimes you get puzzle pieces that look like they fit together perfectly but for some reason, they just don’t. Maybe I’m the better puzzle piece for you? I loved that so much that I put that in our wedding vows.

You’re going to find that perfect match for you.

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