I had been married for 14-years and I just decided that I wasn’t growing and I got a divorce.
I suddenly had a lot of free time so I started writing. I always wanted to write a mystery novel, I’m a mystery novel fan and so that’s where I went. I got creative and started jotting down notes and putting together short writing periods every day and I started my first novel.
I wrote my first mystery novel and I was going through a really ugly divorce…no one could be adults. Right in the first chapters, I killed someone and if you look at the description it was my ex-husband.
It was hugely cathartic on so many levels. It allowed me to work through not only on day-to-day issues that were frustrating me but as anyone knows who goes through a healing process, a lot of these things that come up for you are things from your childhood that you should have exhaled a long time ago. It was the beginning of a very healing journey.
He felt scorned and out of that was constant attacking. If I’d know then what I know now I would have ignored it.
There were so many times when I wish I had just ignored it all and risen above it but I fought back, things escalated and made it worse.
It grew into this cathartic adventure into this is what I do for a living now.
There was a pattern that I tried to break so many times I realized it wasn’t me who needed to break it.
I never realized how disconnected I was from myself. I would never cry. I was really proud that i never cried about anything. That was one of the things that came up. I had been stuffing my emotions for so long. I think the violence in my books was my way of letting some of that out and thinking about what created that stuffing down for me.
The anger was holding the tears down. Once I had an outlet for some of that anger the tears started flowing.
Dating is just not my thing. It was odd because it had changed so much. When I met my husband there was no online dating.
During my divorce, my father passed away. As I was getting the company up and running my sister passed away. Then I had to take care of my mother and then my mother passed away. It’s only been in the past 3-years I’ve been able to get out there.
I think I thrive on change in some respects. Staying positive and moving forward has not been difficult for me and sometimes I wonder if it’s denial or if it’s just I’ve sort of developed with all that loss that whatever is going to happen is going to happen and if I sit there and dwell on it I won’t move forward.
I have a great outlet. I love hiking and running.
It can change in a minute.
Get up out of bed every single day put something on your notepad or calendar that helps you move forward. Baby steps if you have to but don’t wallow in it. Be grateful for the time you had with those people and move forward because it’s your life now. You can’t get stuck in the past.