Amy B: I had a history of having this need to be attached to men

November 16, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Going into my marriage there was all this development that put me into the position to be the person who was willing to be in a dysfunctional codependent relationship for 11-years.

I had a history of having this need to be attached to men.

I think I thought I knew what I was looking for when I got into that relationship but in hindsight, there was so much more about me to learn and that’s something I think I’m learning…as a human we’re just constantly in that place. We’re ever-evolving and ever learning.

Within 6-weeks I started to sense that there were things that weren’t right but I just didn’t listen to that inner voice.

Over the years of our relationship, we mutually agreed on codependency and it’s kind of a not fun situation after a while. For us that looked like a cycle.

When we got married it kind of got better. About a year and a half into the marriage we had a miscarriage and that was devastating for both of us. About a year later we became pregnant again.

While I was pregnant our relationship got so good. There were no blips.

We both I think knew that we were settling for something other than what we actually needed or wanted and neither one of us was really willing to admit it.

It took me a really long time to get to the point where I could say this is enough. I couldn’t see how it could be better on the other side.

We made a mutual decision to end our marriage and we had some funky stuff to go down that caused all this resentment that had built up over the years escalated so the divorce wasn’t fun either but then I was suddenly single. Single mom.

I had to relearn who I am outside of the relationship. There has been so much learning on the other side of it that it’s been amazing.

Luckily I had a lot of people around me.

Many people don’t know what’s happening because of shame.

There were so many lessons coming ut of that relationships and really I think every relationship we have is an opportunity for us to learn more about ourselves if we’re open to it and intentional and paying attention.

What if I show up as love and kindness?

We’re either creating more intimacy, which is closeness, or we’re creating more distance.

I want to feel authentic closeness with everybody in my life. Deepening my understanding of what empathy is and how to create more intimacy has become really important to me.

You can choose when the time is right. Don’t feel bad, don’t beat yourself up. It’s okay if it takes a while for you to get to that place where it’s time to go. You’ll get there and this is all part of your journey.

You are stronger than you think you are. When you’re on the other side of it you’ll realize you are stronger than you thought you were and that everything you’re afraid of and why you’re afraid to leave, they’re not really real.

Know that you’re going to be just fine and the fear doesn’t really matter anyway.

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