Kerri H: I refuse to allow myself to be a victim to him any longer

November 30, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When you enter into any kind of relationship you enter in with a high level of trust and hope that you’re going to be loved and cared for and also enter into it hoping this is going to be your forever relationship.

Our marriage just did not last the way I hoped it could. I wanted to be married and have a family so I was really excited to have this opportunity. There were a lot of things we were not able to work through. There was a lot of physical and mental abuse.

I had people telling me to stay and people telling me you need to leave. All different kinds of advice…a lot of pressure and what I should and shouldn’t do.

It was very tumultuous and very traumatizing for me.

I was able to look at where I had come from and where I needed to be to get that independence for myself. I realized that I needed to take off the victim mentality. I needed to stop being a victim to that relationship.

I took a lot of time, I did some counseling, I talked to friends, my church, and just realized that I was a much stronger person.

I’m thankful I went through the situation that I went through because it actually made me a much stronger person. It helped me to realize I deserve so much better than that and I don’t need to settle for that kind of relationship. I don’t need to settle for being with somebody just to be with somebody. It really helps me to focus on myself.

It took about 2-years to go through a lot of self-help self-improvement…figuring out where I could best help myself and getting to the point where I was not going to be a victim any longer.

I didn’t need to have a man in my life in order to be complete. I am my best resource. I need to be happy with myself.

There was a lot of healing that needed to come for myself.

It’s hard when you’re in a situation where you are being mentally and physically abused daily by somebody who you feel is the person who you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with.

I felt like I couldn’t leave. I felt like I was in a place where there was nowhere for me to go. I didn’t feel I had enough resources or even enough courage to just step out of that marriage and get out of that situation.

I’ve grown so much. I’m in a much better relationship now. Unless you’re in that situation it’s hard to understand why you would stay.

I’m thankful because I don’t believe I would be where I am today if I hadn’t gone through that. I don’t think I would be as strong as I am today.

I’m not going to be a captive to a situation where I feel trapped. My journey to health has been difficult because I gained a lot of weight. I lost a lot of myself. I basically lost who I was. I couldn’t figure out who I was.

I didn’t know how to grow. I didn’t know how to do what I needed to do to get myself back on solid ground.

It’s still a work in progress but it’s definitely much better.

Being able to say I’m on the other side of it has been tremendous because I’m definitely on the other side of it.

I believe everything happens for a reason. It has made me realize just how important it is to take care of yourself.

Stress definitely can cause health problems but I’m learning how to navigate my life and what it is now.

As I was going through all the processes and everything that happened with that situation it still gets me.

I refuse to allow myself to be a victim to him any longer.

I have to keep reminding myself that I’m on the other side of it.

The fact that I allowed myself to go through that pain for that many years is difficult.

I needed to figure out where I was going and then look for somebody to help me.

I’m proud of how I’ve jumped this hurdle. I just know I’m going to be okay.

I want people to know I’ve overcome this. I’m not a victim to his abuse any longer.

It’s super hard to leave. Especially if you come from a religious or faith-based family. Get a plan together. Get a support group. When you’re ready to make that jump. Make sure you have a good support system in place. You think you’re going to feel victorious by leaving but it’s hard because you don’t know what you’re going to do. Look into some counseling. Don’t make the jump on your own.

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