Martine: It was a bit daunting to become single again at 58

January 25, 2021







After 36-years it was a week after our 33rd wedding anniversary. When I say those numbers it makes me think, “did that really happen?”

We kind of grew apart. The relationship was tired, we had a lot of stress through businesses.

We worked together and we lived together so I think that was the biggest shock.

Can I get through this on my own? That was one of the biggest fears.

It was a bit daunting to become single again, especially at 58.

You don’t know what is ahead of you. That was the daunting part.

Once I came to that clear decision it was easier because it started to feel like a new adventure.

I always look for the more positive outcome.

We’re expected to stay with this person until death do us part but sometimes it doesn’t work out that way.

Getting over that I’d failed was the hardest part.

I realized I was codependent, I had no boundaries, and I was a chronic people-pleaser.

I started to see it in a different light. I hadn’t really failed, it was just a part of me growing and growing up.

I realized my needs were not being met because I’m a chronic people-pleaser. I always make sure everybody else is okay and quashing my own needs and that builds up over time.

Now, I put me first.

I feel very positive for the future.

Life is not over, it’s just a new life beginning.

It hasn’t been plain sailing, there have been a lot of things to sort out.

I think we’re both grown up and that is very empowering as well.

Our values were different.

I’m not the shadow of my husband, I am a person in my own right.

If we were taught as young girls about our boundaries, about our needs, about our values we would start our relationships in a much stronger place.

That’s the biggest mistake all of us are making, we have to make ourselves happy. Only we can make ourselves happy.

I have a love for life. There is this drive in me to live life to the full.

Freedom is something I’ve always been looking forward to.

The future for me is something that is sustainable that gives me pleasure, income, and a certain amount of freedom. Travel is always high on my list.

Now there is no one to edit what I do apart from myself.

Before rushing into making any decisions, get to terms with your values. Look at your needs as well.

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