Rob P: It’s okay for me to be emotional too

February 15, 2021

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My daughter came into the house and said, “Can you get the rug out of the truck for the new house?” I was like, we’re moving? That brought about a whole bunch of other conversations and it was amazing to find out that way that I was suddenly single.

I came home five days later and the movers had moved everything out of my house except what was in the basement which was where I’d been living because we weren’t on good terms but we didn’t have the money to go separately.

I went upstairs and there wasn’t even a bed left for me. Later that day the movers came back with a bed because it was taken by mistake.

She moved right around the corner for a while and it was nice because the kids could come back and forth during the integration period.

Shortly after that, my son stopped talking to me and that’s been ten or eleven years.

We had been together since we were teenagers. It was a shocking blow to me and it really hit hard.

I processed it with a lot of alcohol. We’d been in the house for eighteen years and now the house was quiet.

I painted the walls to get a lot of the feelings and emotions out.

It was all about finding something to do with the chaotic energy that was going through me. TO have the quiet time to go into my own thoughts, to figure out what my thoughts were and how I was feeling and how I was doing.

I did a lot of riding on my Harley. Did a lot of hanging out with friends and finding those little tranquil things that could help keep me calm.

The one thing that I really realized was I had become very reactionary. The relationship had gotten to a point where things that were happening that were out of our control.

I really lost myself and my path in being responsible and feeling responsible for everything that was happening. With being reactionary I wasn’t in the true essence of myself. I found myself doing things that were so out of character.

It really made me look at my actions and how I was responsible for things.

In the future, I want to do better. I did everything that I knew at that point in time that I knew how to do. Now I’ve learned different things and different tools.

There’s nothing better to bring out the truth in yourself than going through hard times.

I ended up moving home and shortly after my mom passed away.

I had the reiki session and it changed my world. That created a whole new path and a whole new way for me to release all the pent up anxiety and energy that was within me.

I’ve become a lot more harmonious and a lot more laid back again and moved back into the essence of my truth.

It’s really nice coming into being more of myself and understanding myself, but every relationship has its hiccups, it has its hurdles and one of the things I’ve learned in this relationship is how to communicate as a man to a woman.

Let’s think about the words we’re using and how we want to leave our partner after we’ve gone about saying everything so that we’re building each other up instead of tearing each other down.

I find myself always looking to better myself and define the standards within myself to make myself that person I still want to be.

It’s okay for me to be emotional too. So much of the time I would be stoic. I wouldn’t share my unbridled emotions. I’ve learned how to understand myself better and say what I want to say and get the emotions out.

Just letting it all come up and not engaging it will let it fall away. Self-perception without any judgment upon it.

My mom used to say, feelings are feelings, emotions are emotions. Don’t judge yourself for having them. Instead of letting them come and go, we shut them down out of judgment.

Now’s the time to really just let yourself be. Have compassion for yourself. Have the feelings that come and go. Try not to go into your own perception of what they are.

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