Erica B: As I started to rediscover the parts of myself that were packed away

May 24, 2021

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I found myself suddenly single after going through a terrible devastating divorce. It was something I would never have predicted for my life. I took my marriage vows very seriously. I was really committed to my marriage and my family.

He started hanging out with younger friends and people that didn’t have the responsibilities that he had and got pulled into that lifestyle and ultimately started to have an affair with someone. It was devastating when I found out he had a child with her. It was so painful and so shocking when I first found out that I couldn’t even react. I went into shock. I didn’t tell anyone for a whole year.

I came to a point where I couldn’t hold it in anymore and I had a breakdown at work. The head of human resources encouraged me to connect with a therapist and that was the beginning of my healing. That was the beginning of me realizing that I deserved better. That I deserved to be happy. That I didn’t deserve to be disrespected, lied to, cheated on, and all the things that I was dealing with in my marriage.

We got separated and about a year and a half later we got divorced.

We never argued, we never had any issues and that’s why it was shocking to me.

When we got into an altercation I had to have him removed from the home that day. I didn’t really have the means or resources to take the kids and leave. Part of me was willing to sacrifice my own happiness in order to keep the family together.

The kids didn’t know what was going on and I didn’t know how to explain it to them because I was still in a state of not being able to talk about it without breaking down and crying. It took time for them to understand what had happened. I tried to break it down as best I could.

Professional counseling was the gateway to my healing process. It helped me to understand things about myself.

I knew how to thrive in dysfunction. I was used to things being messed up and figuring it out.

I lost my identity. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I made self-care a priority.

I don’t even know who I am. What do I like?

I had to get back to who I was outside of being someone’s wife. Outside of being someone’s mother.

As I started to talk to other women I realized I wasn’t alone.

I learned that I love to watch movies and take naps and read books.

As I started to rediscover the parts of myself that were packed away and dormant I started to feel more alive. There’s so much life to live.

It was really hard for me to get up if I didn’t have to get up. I had lost all of my life, I guess. When I had those moments alone I went into the why me.

This was about God giving me an assignment because he knew I could take the pain and the devastation I was feeling and use it for the good of others.

I am proud to say that I bought the home I am living in now. It’s new construction. That’s a big deal because when I got divorced I had to file bankruptcy.

Now is my time to live and to really enjoy myself. I love it!

It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself. Get help. Do not try to go through that yourself. Find someone you can confide in and who can help you heal through that. Pray about it. Listen. Be mindful of the people you’re telling your business to.

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