Trish S: Something intuitively in me told me to just start paying attention

May 31, 2021

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’d been dating my boyfriend for five and a half years. We were the type of couple we never had a fight, we always talked it out. I thought we had a relationship that was based on honesty and trust, well I started getting suspicious when I was being stalked by one of his Facebook friends.

Something intuitively in me told me to just start paying attention to what he was doing on social media. Following my intuition has never led me astray before.

We ended it.

I needed answers and he wasn’t going to give them to me. I messaged her and we went on a 48-hour texting marathon comparing notes.

I’ve always had a sort of dark humor about myself, seeing the light in the darkness. You either laugh about something or you cry about something. I have done my share of crying about this. I do wake up in fits of rage and it comes in waves. I still wake up completely angered and disgusted and in complete disbelief but then I tell the story back to myself and I tell myself this is bananas.

Talking with friends has been super helpful. Several girlfriends have taken me out to lunch. Just sharing this whole thing helps, it really helps. I decided to flee town for a couple of weeks. Family and friends are key. Reach out, talk about it.

I got back into running this year. Walking along the beach, spending time with family and friends. Just reflection. For better or for worse,  I find myself in a situation where he made this super easy to get over.

Having such a samurai sword taken to the separation has been very helpful. I just decided that going forward just focus, focus on me. I’m not going to let this be part of the story where I fell apart and a year later I’m a hot mess. Find your inner warrior, find your inner spirit. It’s going to be okay. It’s a wound but it’s not a mortal death-wound.

In the moments when I find myself caught up in fits of rage, I remind myself that I’ve worked better when I’m a little bit angry because things just get clearer. Priorities get super clear when I’m at that DGAF moment of life. Using that to fuel my clarity.

I don’t physically act on it when I have those moments. I sit, I take a deep breath, then I remind myself I’ve got to take care of me.

I don’t want this to affect the way I approach future relationships.

I know who I am, I know what I want in life and if there is anything I could change it would have been walking away when I knew I wasn’t getting what I wanted or needed from the relationship. I let it sit for way too long.

Walk away when your needs aren’t being fulfilled and call it a day. Walk it off.

Ask yourself, do you want to wake up in five years and recognize you’ve been with the wrong person? I guarantee you don’t. Take care of you. Take care of yourself.

Don’t blame yourself. There’s no way to predict this kind of person coming into your life. Forgive yourself. Find a way to embrace all of the emotions because it will come in waves and just keep going. One foot in front of the other. Get up, do something healthy for yourself, keep going.

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