I grew up in the 50’s and 60’s. For many women, they went from their parent’s house to a marriage. I found myself at 20 not knowing what I was going to do with my life and so I got married.

It was clear we were on a very different path. I felt a lot of resistance to any growth for me. I just decided I couldn’t live like this anymore.

The relationships ended and I was petrified. I’d never lived on my own before. It was a very scary time.

On the day that I got married my mother said, “you can always come back home.”

I had people judging. I knew in my heart it was the right thing form me.

I kind of launched into another 7 years of being single. Really learning how to live by myself, I dated lot of people. I was a little phobic. After about the 3rd date I would start thinking it’s going too fast I can’t do this.

I didn’t want to fall in love again and have my heartbroken. I just kept exploring. I traveled a lot o got all my education done. I had really great girlfriends who were also single and that was a lot of fun. I really made friends with some guys and learning they are just as vulnerable as we are and they are trying the best they can. It helped me to grow my heart form the opposite sex.

It’s easy to not take responsibility when you’re younger and say, “it’s all your fault.”

Having men as friends was a great learning opportunity.

I really like living with a partner. It’s a safe place to go home and connect.

I was learning how dependent I really was on other people for me to feel full. That I really needed the connection. It was really hard for me to grapple with the aloneness. I made a decision that I would rather be single than be in a relationship where I was unhappy.

I really wanted to have children. I wanted to have a family. It was hard to not get disappointed and feel the aloneness.

I decided to go to some Alanon meetings and go to some spiritual groups and that made all the difference in the world. The growth was exponential. The hardness transformed itself.

I used to say to my mom, “I have to know that when you’re not here I can do this on my own.”

I could have taken a lot of paths but I really wanted to take an authentic path.

I knew what I was looking for. I was looking for someone who was gentle and who was smart and who could listen to me and somebody who didn’t feel threatened by my energy. I needed someone who wasn’t pushy. I needed to be able to go at my own pace.

Because I had done a lot of work on myself and then I found a relationship where I felt safe and loved my journey intentionally is to keep my heart open. I’ve used that whenever I feel stuck or whenever I’m mad. I think this made me a really good person.

I’m really proud of the life I’ve led and who I’ve become. The marriage was a child’s decision to do something. It has been an awesome journey.

Be patient wit yourself. Get some help. See a therapist. Get some support from your friends.

You have to look inside yourself.

I believe divorce never happens for one reason or one thing. It was a series of things. We tried many things. Even with trying a lot of things the relationships did end.

If there was one thing that sticks out for us it was not taking good care of the relationship. Not checking in to make sure we were both doing what the other person needed to have done. Then there is the self-care aspect, jut making sure you are checking in with yourself.

The ending wasn’t horrible though. I’m still proud I married and divorced somebody who is compatible and like-minded.

Our divorce has been kinda vanilla. There was no drama. It ended. We fell out of love with each other and we wanted to just walk away.

We ran out of steam. The relationship ran out of steam. I’m happy my story is so different than a lot of other divorce stories out there.

The fact that we have a child and we both want to actively parent her that means the stakes are high for exiting the relationship and I think that weighed in on our approach to ending the relationship gracefully. Whether we’re married or not we still have a child to raise.

There’s no need to make our adult problems her problems. She needs two highly functioning parents.

We’re both very mindful of our actions…the things we do and say the things we don’t do and say around her.

We went to a mediator and the mediator made a lot of useful suggestions around our divorce and custody arrangments.

It has taken all of those 10-years to finally arrive at the most valuable learning.

I can’t control what he did. I have to start asking myself, “what did I do?” What did I learn from that? What am I going to do in future relationships? It took me a while to figure out what I needed to do differently and what I need from a relationship.

It took years and years and years to arrive at this one simple statement: I must feel special. There were 101 ways I was expressing that but it took years and years to refine every other way I was saying that. I did not feel special. I didn’t recognize it and I didn’t call it out.

We didn’t make time for each other. Going out on dates and doing things just as a couple. We outgrew each other which is natural.

I feel like every decade you are a new person. It’s okay to change and be different.

I don’t bring new dates around my child. You don’t know if that relationship is going to last.  I know how things can change and end so quickly.

Starting a business being self-employed consumes a lot of space in your life. I think that is the thing that takes up so much space that that’s my excuse for not dating anymore. I’m also just afraid to just be out there again like that.

I’m open to marriage again which means I have to be open to dating. When she’s gone I can see myself taking more time to take that seriously and date again.

Now that she’s a teenager I have to be even more available to her. The teen years are a lot like the toddler years. You don’t want to be that hover parent but you can’t really let go either.

I definitely recommend mediation before lawyers. That worked out for us. I found it to be more economical and more peaceful.

I highly recommend people get premarital counseling.

I hope other people realize every divorce does not have to end in an ugly contentious way.










I was married to my college sweetheart. We got married very young. The babies never stopped coming.

The divorce rate for a professional sports player is actually 90%.

After 15-years there was a lot of growing up to be had. Life takes a different turn and turns we don’t expect but it has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

My life has changed drastically but I just love my life.

The younger children didn’t really understand but the older children saw the good times and the bad times.

My older child said she was happy because she was tired of hearing all the arguing.

We underestimate how perceptive our kids are and how much they are impacted by the environments we set, especially if it’s not a healthy one or if it’s a toxic environment.

My ex-husband and I are amazing parents. It was a huge transition dismantling that family environment they were used to.

They are still the most important thing to both their dad and I.

We believe in therapy. We made sure we had individual therapy, couples therapy, and the kids had therapy individually. We were very proactive as we addressed their mental and emotional well-being as we moved forward into a new phase in our lives.

My kids look nothing like me but they have my personality. They have strong opinions.

One of the huge things I found about myself when we are wives when we are moms we really adjust to that identity. So much so that we fail to embrace our own individual identity.

We were people with a purpose before we ever became somebody’s mom and somebody’s wife.

I had to address that part of me I really didn’t know.

I went through a phase of really reinventing myself and really rediscovering myself.

One of the things I found was I really loved to talk.

I got sick, ended up in the hospital and started journaling online about my experience in the hospital because it was a critical moment and I almost died.

If I leave today what mark would I leave and how would people remember me? I didn’t have an answer at that time.

I call myself a country comedian.

I never meet a stranger.

I love talking about relationships and I have a lot to share.

No one ever filled me in on the joys of co-parenting. I love my kids but I also love my time away from them. Fifty percent of my time is now free. That’s time I didn’t have before.

It takes a lot of bravery to eat alone. By forcing myself to travel more I got comfortable just being by myself.

You learn that companionship is a bonus.

I became more compassionate. Nobody gets married with the idea of getting divorced. We get married and we think we’re going to be married forever. I feel like as a married woman there was this attitude of superiority. I kind of snubbed the experience of a single person and a single mom.

Going through my divorce opened up this new realm of compassion that I didn’t have before.

Sometimes life happens and it happens in a way we didn’t expect it to.

We don’t know people’s lives we don’t know their struggles. We don’t know the twists and turns that have gotten them to the position they are in.

I extend a lot more grace and a lot more compassion when I encounter people who are at odds and ends in their life.

We’re quick to discard people because their lives are not like ours.

I’ve become more calm. I’m a lot more introverted.

I enjoy silence. I enjoy peace.

I’m a lot more lighthearted. I’m not as uptight. I’m a lot more easygoing.

We went to visit an animal shelter and we came home with a whole dog. I’m not even an animal person but my heart is just so open now.

I probably had a stick up my butt when I was married.

I’m a much more joyous person. I’m definitely a much happier person. I can find a joke in anything.

I have a tremendous village. There is no way on god’s green earth that I would be able to accomplish the things I’ve accomplished without my village.

My situation was a result of infidelity. There was a lot of heartache and grief as a result.

I don’t know how I got so lucky but I did.

It’s easy to see things from a negative point of view when you’re in it.

Sometimes it is baby steps and just taking it day-by-day.

Negative minds don’t produce positive lives. I consider myself a positivity pimp.

Everything that’s bad doesn’t stay bad forever.

You have to get support. There is not enough faking you can to do hide a heart that is broken.

We make it very difficult for people who have a high profile status to just be human. Give yourself permission to be human. You don’t have to pretend to be perfect.

Get the support you need. Take the time to heal.

I was 30-years old and two children and my husband got sick.

My daughter was a newborn of 3-months and my son was 3-years.

I was working full-time because I had to pay my bills. We found out he was ill when he applied for life insurance so we had no life insurance.

During that time my mom was killed by a drunk driver so I only had my dad but we lived in different places so I pretty much had to do this alone.

I couldn’t tell his family. He didn’t want them to know he was ill.

You do what you’ve got to do for those two little kids and you’ve got to get up in the morning and do it for them.

I think work helped me every day. I think we get strength from going to work every day. It makes us feel better about ourselves.

I had to go on. It wasn’t a choice. You throw your head under the pillow and never get out of bed or you just pick yourself up and go on.

I had to go make money for my family. My friends were phenomenal. It was hard financially but you do what you gotta do.

My friends wanted me to meet somebody but I wasn’t ready right away. A couple of years down the road I realized I’ve got to meet somebody for these children. I don’t think it was for me. I think it was to bring up my kids.

I’m remarried now for 23 years.

Friends of mine put an ad out. I didn’t know.  I met a lot of older guys I wasn’t interested in.

It’s difficult when you have two children. I joined a tennis league. It was getting out.

The best thing that happened to me was meeting someone and we were able to get out and do things together.

People were scared of me at that time…that I would take their husbands away. I didn’t want their dirty laundry!

I’m going to meet somebody really good and somebody who cares about my kids and about me. I wasn’t going to just meet anybody.

I do believe sometimes when you get married so young you’re not with the right person. I believe it was really good for me because I started all over again. Luckily I met the right one. It was really hard in the beginning.

I’m very independent. Be independent. Do it on your own.

It’s really important to figure out who you want. You don’t just jump into a relationship. I think being so young I was very particular who I met and I was very lucky I met the right one.

I don’t believe everyone should get married again.

You may not want to share your finances right away until you really get to know them.

I needed a new life. We got transferred to Singapore. It was the best thing for all of us because we had each other and that’s it.

It’s been a journey in my life. I don’t know that I would have had that life with my first husband. It’s been a great adventure. I made it the best I know how.

I put my own business together because I want women to know they are strong.

I think men have a harder time than women. It’s harder for them taking care of daughters. They need their mother.

You just got to go on. You only have one life to lead. I wasn’t going to give up. It was really difficult. I’m not going to say it was easy. My friends, that’s who really put me through it. Not my family, my friends.

You can be strong and you can learn to deal with other people. I taught them you’ve got to go on. You’ve got to be individuals and go on.

I did sometimes feel guilty. I couldn’t be there for my kids all the time. I was not home with my kids. I had to work. It is important for kids to see their mother and father have a purpose.

You just do the best you can. To stay alone…not the answer.

Be strong and be powerful in yourself. You’ve got to be strong. I’m very strong.

No matter what you’re going to make it. You have no choice. Get out of bed every morning.

I wasn’t the one who called it off but we both knew that it wasn’t going to work out.

We broke up over a Skype call.

Maybe deep down I thought I could repair the relationship when I came back.

I was a different person having spent 6-months abroad. That was quite a big development period for me. That set off a whole trigger of events afterward.

I ended up spending the next 3-years just focusing on me and only me.

I found out the hard way. It was a big chance to focus on me as a person.

Even though there was pressure from mum and dad and family I had to shut them out. It wouldn’t have been good for me to get into a relationship just to please somebody else. I had to come to terms with that throughout the process.

It was a lot of reading over that time.

When you’re making a commitment do it for the right reasons. I got into my first relationship for the wrong reasons. Take the time to understand why you’re getting into a relationship. Do you truly love the other person or are you trying to fill some other void in your life?

Am I doing this for the right reasons or am I trying to fix up an insecurity of mine?

There is no rush to life. Just because someone else has done it a different way doesn’t mean you need to mimic what they do. We’re all on our own journey. To compare yourself to someone else’s journey is just going to lead to a life of misery.

Don’t underestimate the value of personal development.

Be okay with being independent. Especially if you’re single it’s a good chance to practice.

Our first date was a disaster. It was the most awkward date. She saw something in me to give me a second chance. Just because your first date doesn’t go great don’t give up. There is hope!

Trust is built on do you say what you are going to do. If not, do you explain why you don’t. Being able to rely on the other person and knowing they are going to deliver.

You can’t have respect and trust without communication. The fewer secrets you can hide from one another the better.

Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you stop working on yourself. You just work on yourself more.

At the end of the day, your family is going to place pressure on you no matter what stage of life you are at.

You don’t want to commit to a forever relationship just because your family says it’s the right thing to do when you know that it’s not. It will cause resentment. That’s not really a way to live.

I came home from work and my husband was playing video games.

He went into the bedroom and came out with a suitcase. He said, “You’re getting fat so I’m leaving” and he walked out the door. I had gone from a size 4 to a size 8.

45-minutes later I had a new roommate. Jade moved in 45-minuted later. 15 -minutes after that a guy I had been interested in 7-years before I had met my ex-husband called and asked to go bowling on Saturday.

I guess you could say I went to hang out with someone new an hour later.

I want to say I was crying and I was sad, I ran around my living room and did leaps and jumps. I danced and played party music until Jade arrived because I was just so happy.

I was so happy, I couldn’t express it.

I cried when I looked at my bank account. He had taken all the money. I had $200 to my name and over $2200 worth of bills to pay every month.

We made it through on rice, a hope and a prayer…and popcorn. There was a lot of popcorn dinners. Oatmeal goes a long way.

It was not a happy ending for me. The guy did propose but we did not go down the aisle. He did go down the aisle with someone else. I had been in love with him for years.

He married someone else and didn’t tell me. His best friend called us.

Our friend is a stylist and I had my hair and makeup and done and my dress so I couldn’t even cry. I’ll mess up my makeup. We drove home the next day and then I cried.

I lost so much weight. I looked great. I don’t eat and I become obsessed with exercise.

I first learned I was stronger.  I’m much stronger.

I started writing again and that helped.

I still think I’m a complete and total mess.

She’s like my hero..she’s my shero! She just kept getting up.

She taught me no matter how bad it is, just keep getting up and call your friend.

Just be there for your friend. Just be there. They might not want to talk about it. Sit there and be a friend. Say nothing if that’s what it calls for.

Just got to keep showing up. Sometimes we don’t know what to say.

If you don’t get it out you’re not going to move on so get it out.

When you get up in the morning deal with that hour. Don’t try to take on anything more than that. Don’t get overwhelmed. Find a ride or die friend.

My husband suddenly became very ill one night and had a seizure. Our lives were never the same. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor.

After 8 years of the battle, he passed away. The most difficult part of that was waking up every morning not knowing if my husband would still be there.

I’ve used such a variety of coping mechanisms. My thing is being surrounded by people.

I went through this initial celebratory state where I was so happy he wasn’t suffering anymore. You see someone lose the ability to walk, to talk, to eat, to see. Those last few days I was praying he would go and be with his grandparents and family members.

I went through this phase of relief for him. Soon after that, I got really busy.

I broke all the rules and did everything they tell you not to do when you’re a widow. Don’t start a business, don’t start a business, don’t buy a home don’t get into a relationship.

I stayed so busy. I was in denial of it. I was go, go, go.

I hate being alone so much I am constantly surrounding myself with friends and family.

I’ve broken some rules and made up my own.

I realized I needed something more stable. That has helped me so much to take that time.

Being able to share my story with other people because I feel it helps people.

A lot of people just expect you to be done and be over it.

Being a 3rd wheel for me isn’t so bad. It’s worse to sit at home alone than go out and be with couples. I’d sure rather be out with people than sitting home alone.

Everything hit me later. I didn’t start going to bereavement group until 6-months later. You start to remember all the things you miss that aren’t there. Because he was sick for so long everything that year before was so different. Everything happened so slowly.

Where I am now…I’m happy, I have a great business, I’d love to have kids…I’ve thought about adopting…I do still hope to meet someone. I haven’t given up on that. 

A lot of people have pulled away. Friends you thought would always be there have pulled away. But then, the ones you didn’t expect would be there for you have grown closer. The relationships have changed. 

I obviously still miss my husband but it’s a different type of loss when family members and friends pull away from you.

I have heard from fellow widows that people just kind of don’t want to hear about it anymore. 

Losing some relationships for no good reason…that’s hard. That makes you reflect on all the bad stuff that’s happened even more.

I coordinate a walk each year and we walk in honor of my husband. For me family is so important.

I’m really close with my mother and my grandmother who is ninety-nine and a half!

I’ve learned that I’m okay supporting myself and I can do it. I had my husband for so long, we supported each other. We did everything together. I never thought I’d be able to do it after he passed. That was what I feared…being alone, not having him and not being able to support myself. 

I surprised myself. I did everything I never imagined I could do on my own and its worked out really well.

I was in go mode. Pressing forward and taking care of business.

Oh my gosh, I’ve done so much! I’m really proud of myself.

I never would have imagined I would be doing this all on my own. I’ve really come a long way.

I had no regrets because I know we did everything we could. Fighting for his life and living our lives to the fullest.

I had him for 16 years in my life and I know how blessed I am.

Hearing other people’s stories really helped me. Incredibly therapeutic. It’s okay to have a moment and know it’s okay to cry. That helps so much to be able to address that.  It took me a while to get there.

I love to stay busy. I definitely don’t like to stay home.

It’s inspiring and it’s helpful to listen to different reasons people have become single. It’s not easy being single.

I wanted a house full of people and kids and family. You make do and you make the best of it and keep moving forward.

My husband was one of the most positive most amazing people I ever knew. We lived life to the fullest. 

Phone calls, invites, that kind of stuff really helps. Check-in on your friends and family.

I do encourage people to stay busy and make plans. It’s so easy to stay at home in front of the TV or the computer. Get out, be active, join groups, call a friend, meet new friends. People need to be with people. Surround yourself with good people.

We kind of knew the moment we moved in together it wasn’t going to work out.

Whenever it didn’t work out it left me in a state of I couldn’t even remember who I was at the end.

I’m a great person.

I’m a great material here what is going on?

I need to back away from this. I need to stop trying to mold myself to whom I am dating.

I wasn’t quite as self-aware back then.

What about me? What do I really want?

I would always try to make whatever situation I was in work.

It was about tuning into my intuition more.

I had a set of expectations for everyone I dated and it sabotaged me.

I need to be honest about what works for me.

How do I want to refocus my interests?

Where do I feel most alive and like myself?

I went to a bad audition in a basement. The bass player asked about me and started emailing me. We’re coming up on our 14th anniversary.

You kind of have to show up with who you are. That vibe is going to catch the right vibe. I think that makes for the best base of a relationship.

We definitely bring out the best in each other.

There’s something kind of sexy about rock stars. You think you have to fit this certain mold if you do anything in the spotlight.

I wish more people would embrace the parts of themselves they love.

Try to immerse yourself in the things you love. Ultimately that is going to bring you closer to what you really want.

People are going to question your intentions and your expertise.

I love to look for patterns. Dig in and tune into where you feel good about yourself and where you’re having fun and scribble down what those things are.

Surround yourself with people who get you.

What do I need to tell myself or what do I need to believe to make the best of this.

Doing what I love is going to find me love.

I wish it was more of a sudden process. It took about a year and a half.

We dated for two months and then I decided to propose. Four months later we were married.

There was too much that we didn’t know about each other and we hadn’t accounted for that in building our relationship.

I woke up one morning and my wife had taken all her stuff and moved out.

Ultimately we decided that we didn’t belong together. I had to realize that and make peace with that.

It was an opportunity for me to grow and become a better person in the process.

Jamison 2.0 started the day my divorce was finalized.

What was it I was hoping to gain from the marriage that I hadn’t voiced to myself?

I was seeking validation from my social circle and my family.

I made a really bad decision.

A heard a quiet still voice speak to me and it kind of pierced through everything. Why are you still angry? It’s over. That was the most authoritative voice I have ever heard in my life. At that point, it was like I was having an out of body experience.

In that moment I realized just how exhausted I was carrying around that anger.

You have to be congruent with yourself.

I went to therapy and had some sessions that were very impactful.

I had to forgive myself. As a person of faith, I came across some grace-oriented perspectives.

I wanted to become more empathetic. I wanted to have the courage to wait and to respect the pace and natural progression that relationships go through. 

I worked on appreciating alone and single and seeing the value in that.

I live my life as it comes and I enjoy what life gives me.

I started to affirm how good my life was in everyday aspects and take appreciation for the beauty in my life. 

I began to paint and to do art. I turned one of my bedrooms into an art studio.

Marriage was very isolating for me. I did it to myself. I withdrew into the marriage. 

I feel like I’ve grown a lot. I feel like I’m a more emotionally mature man. I have a better appreciation for the wonder and splendor that women are.

I think that being a better man has given me the ability to relate better with not just women but also with family members and coworkers.

I’m happy with where I’m going but I’m humble enough to realize I still have a lot of work to do and life is still a journey that is worth living and worth growing in.

I want to continue to work on myself and become a better person.

You can definitely grow from this. You don’t have to let divorce define you. You aren’t broken. You aren’t a failure.

This marriage is over. I’m in danger, our baby is in danger, and there’s no husband in site.

What was given out was not given back to me and it just kind of eroded. Particularly when I was getting ready to have life and bring life.

Love was being redefined for me in that moment. It opened up my eyes to realize I was not in something that was providing me love. It took time to wake up and realize that.

I was a single mom redoing life all over again.

It was devastating.

All of a sudden, that road map is completely not what you thought it was going to be.

It was not the way this fairytale was supposed to end, and yet it was ending.

I am not one to enjoy the unknown. All of a sudden it was nothing but mystery.

I’m a crybaby so I spent a lot of nights just shedding tears. It was the only way I could express what I was feeling.

I believe it was my faith that brought me to where I am today.

I’m a good girl. Why is this happening to me?

This situation taught me that I could open myself up to people and trust people because people came in droves to be with me.

I had people going to food banks for me. I had people making extra dinner. They would come to my desk and drop off food and clothes for my daughter.

People just came and were there for me. They began to share their story with me. They came out of the woodwork and began to take care of me.

People showed their heart and I didn’t know they cared that much about me.

We went through a terrible battle with custody and getting through the divorce.

Isn’t it funny how your worst moment of your life becomes your best moment of your life?

I’ve fallen in love with so many people and if I hadn’t gone through this I wouldn’t even know.

This is not your end it’s your beginning.

In these little miracles, I found refreshing and renewing. I started to attend to myself.

I began to sit and talk to God about me. How did this girl end up here? How did I get to this place?

I found me. I went on a journey to discover me.

I’m still alive. This means this is not my end.

You are not alone. It feels like a lonely place. It feels like no one else is around but you are not alone.

It’s tough to draw strength from yourself when you don’t have it.