I am a product of divorce

My parents have each been married three times

People can learn from our lessons

My husband had had enough and started yelling at my son and they got into a fistfight

It was the first time I’d ever seen anybody hit anybody in my family

He said I want a divorce and I’m done with you

I had no money to do anything

It took almost 9 months for him to move out

They wanted to arrest my son

I had three weeks to pack up everything in my house and move out

The last thing I ever dreamed of was having the police come to my house

There was a lot of positive thinking that needed to take place

When you’ve made the decision to leave it’s a lot easier than when someone decides to leave you

You exist but you don’t know how you’re existing you just do it

It takes time to work through all the emotions to have that closure

When you get divorced you need to put your kids in therapy

No matter what you can do anything

You can reinvent yourself

I became a new person

I focus on the things I really like and that makes life easier

Anything is possible you just have to take baby steps and eventually you will get there

It gives me a purpose

To make myself a priority is not always easy to do

It’s all about the adults setting the example for the kids

Take it one day at a time

Focus on the positives

Life isn’t over just because that person is out of your life









I was from a very very small town

I came from a religious background

I met a boy and he was a bit of a bad boy

After two years he asked me to marry him

I was excited and very much in love

Two weeks after the wedding his sister knocked on my door and said I have to tell you something

I couldn’t imagine there could be anything horrible before that moment

She told me my new husband was a convicted felon and had spent 18 months in a federal penitentiary

He came in the door I confronted him and that was the first time he hit me

I didn’t really know what to do

He was instantly remorseful he said he’d never do it again I believed him

He started coming in late he started drinking more…he changed

The second time he hit me landed me in the hospital for almost two weeks

It was in the hospital bed I decided no more

I was bruised and battered and I was on a mission

In the hospital, I planned and plotted

I got out of the hospital and essentially I was single at the point

I decided I would stay with him long enough so that I could gather enough money to leave

I hired an attorney

He would call me and threaten my life telling me he would beat me with a baseball bat

I had to watch my back

I was scared but I knew I had to leave this person

I said to myself I will never again go back to that situation

I had a full-time job, a part-time job and I got another job and went to school full-time

That was at a time when police and judges didn’t take domestic violence so seriously as they do today so I didn’t have a lot of support

I had to wait two years for a divorce

Two years of stalking and being attacked

I was ashamed, I was embarrassed but I had to find a way to pick it up

I decided there had to be some good to come out of this…some way I could use this help others

I learned although my situation was horrible there were people who had it a lot worse than I did

It was uplifting for me and helped me to see my situation better

It helped me see myself as a person who could survive

Without that, I would not have met my now husband

Ultimately it all had its purpose and it worked its way out

There is no reason someone’s hand should come at you that way but at the time I felt like I deserved it

You didn’t do anything to deserve a hit or an infidelity

The counselor said to me, “You’re broken and you don’t even see the cracks.”

This brokenness that you are are what left the door open for him

I had to realize there was something in me that allowed this

A lot of what he did to me was a manipulation that started at the very beginning

What was it about me that was blinded to that

What about you allowed it?

I need to be perfect and if they knew this happened to me I’m no longer perfect

I really planned my exit and it’s important to do that

Getting a therapist was a pivotal decision

You have to take the time to think about what you’re doing and how you’re going to do it

As women, we take things on our shoulders









We met and got married 6-7 months later

There were issues that were hidden from me or I had ignored

I worked really hard on this marriage, harder than any relationship before

I was exhausted mentally and physically

The relationship died

It was very sad and it’s still is sad when I think about it

One of the cool things I got out of our relationship was a love of thrift stores

Every time I grab a piece of clothing I remember when I bought this with her

This was my second marriage…I didn’t want to fail again

I finally came to the realization that couldn’t be the person that cured her

I finally just gave up and ended up the relationship

I started volunteering

I can spend more time with my family and more time with my friends

I feel like in the past year I’ve grown 10 years growth

I managed to lose 80 pounds

I felt like I’m nowhere near ready to consider being in a relationship again

You have to embrace the grief part

The bad days are not going to kill you

You’re going to have days where you’re sitting in a Starbucks and a song comes on and it just crushes you

Being single allows you to do those things that bring you joy

It’s so hard to end a relationship

Understand that it’s going to be hard and it’s going to take a while










I was married for 26 years  and I knew him most of my life

He had cancer and it lasted 3.5 years

I had an unbelievable wave of support

I had two children 19 and 9

Lord knows we needed to laugh

My hospice people told me for the first Thanksgiving and Christmas you need to be out of the house

We eat cheeseburgers in his honor

Music has been a good outlet for me

I have memories of us playing the music

His presence is just still there

You have a choice after someone dies of curling up in a ball

Five years later this can still hit me out of the blue

My children saved my life

The whole situation that we were in was so difficult

I said to my children, “I hope my legacy to you is showing you what a marriage really is. It’s until death do you part and it’s in sickness and in health and if you don’t take those two seriously then don’t get married.”

You learn to value things like the daily hugs

I found out I was a lot stronger than people thought

I found some sort of inner strength and God too

For the first time in my life I had money

Each morning dawns with a new reality of loss of the one who knew you best

You cannot prepare for that

The aloneness of this is profound

You need friends who won’t run away from you in fear

I would ball my eyes out until I almost threw up

You just have to constantly tell yourself it’s going to be okay

I try to look at my blessings

There are things that are good and they’re still there

I’m glad I was married that was my gift









He had been having an affair for more than a year

I gave him a few minutes to grab a few things and kicked him out

I knew something was happening I just didn’t realize it was that

He had spent that last year gaslighting me

I did not have the most stable childhood

I’m living with someone who is making my life a lie

The structure of ideas you’ve built around your life to make it work all of a sudden dissolves

I was always very clear that I really needed to feel this

I would pull my car over to the side of the road and sob

I really wanted to move past this

I embraced minimalism

I went back to school

It feels good to be moving forward and moving past that experience

That experience doesn’t define me anymore

Right after it happened it was all I could talk about it

There will be a time when you are on the other side of it

Let it break you

Build up that foundation again

Embrace that opportunity

Feel it, feel all of it










She was traveling a lot

I started to get jealous

I was considering hacking into my wife’s account to spy on her

I knew that wasn’t good

What would I do if I found out she was cheating on me?

A part of me wouldn’t be mad

I could use that as an excuse to end the relationship

It occurred to me that it was over

We worked out a logical separation plan

I made sure to move close so we could keep our son in the same daycare

We make it a point to be helpful to each other

I started picking up hobbies

I felt like shackles had been pulled off

I found myself doing things I didn’t know whether I would like doing or not

I wanted to do something with my life

I finally had time to start a passion project

That was the start of a very wild ride

I can get lonely like the next person but I’m an introvert

When my emotions are shut off they’re all shut off

I wasn’t feeling joy of any sort at all I actually went to counseling about it

As a really overweight person who has a hard time getting a date shutting off feels better than feeling loneliness or pain

I have to be intentional about trying to take risks and feel pain

I found out I’m a very flexible personality

This was making me really unhappy

I found myself resenting it more and more over time

I’ve learned I need to be aware of who I am

It’s interesting how we continue to learn about ourselves

It’s really easy to get down on yourself when you find yourself single

Forgive yourself for whatever your part in that relationship was

In the course of a year or two years, your life can entirely change

Operate with integrity and allow yourself to grow and be the best you can be

Just because a relationship is over doesn’t mean life is over










I lost two relationships in a year

I thought, “What is wrong with me? Am I that horrible of a person?

I just felt anxiety and fear constantly and wasn’t a nice person to be around

When you’re in that space of holding on by any means necessary you do what you have to do

You get these feelings of unworthiness

I wasn’t going to let go no matter what

That’s a very lonely place to be

It wears you down

I grew up a pleaser

I thought I had to do things for people to like me

I didn’t feel I could commit to myself

I did a lot of deep work to overcome

We don’t want to see what’s right in front of us

I had tried to build a world around me and everything had to fit into that world

When you love someone they shouldn’t have to give up things to fit in your life

I think the biggest misconception we have in life about love is that we have to give up something

I had to learn to be with myself but not by myself

I was so depressed I didn’t care if I got out of bed

Something had to change if I was to go on

The most important person is you

You can’t give what you don’t have

I feel like crap and I don’t even want to be here

I spent a lot of time alone

Something deep within said, “This is not how your story ends.”

I started reading

I started to learn about vibration and frequency

There was so much more to life than what I had been seeing

The relationships became a learning ground that I became grateful for

We have to forgive. I had to forgive myself.

Now in my relationships I just let people be.

The only way I can be me is if people can be themselves

Once we work on ourselves our relationships get better

People are starting to see me different

I’m more approachable

The only way to get out of where we are is sometimes to take a different direction

Talk to somebody who won’t judge you

Sometimes you have to get with yourself for a moment

Sometimes doors are shut because they need to be shut









I got a phone call from my then wife that she didn’t want to be married anymore

When she wanted to fight I would shut down and be silent

Now I realize my going silent or walking away was just as bad as if I had hit

The next year I was pretty much an alcoholic

I was trying to hold it together for the sake of the kids

I had to come home because I was about to become a liability

I had a series of videos I made for my children

It’s a running joke…you deploy you get divorced

We’re never prepared to return to our families

On Christmas morning I handed my kids off to my ex-wife and sat at home alone

I will never forget that hug

I realized very quickly although I thought I was a feminist I was a recovering misogynist

What are you going to do when the newness wears off?

If you swallow your pride and learn the accent the other person is speaking with you’ll reach them much better

If there are kids involved put the napalm away

I tried for 2 years to make the marriage work because one day my kids were going to ask me why

I tried as hard as I possibly could to make it work

I was on the phone with her mother trying to find out why

I didn’t value me because I was rejected by someone else

I had a nice life and I think that’s the thing we lose sight of

How can I sacrifice all of my soul to make you happy?

I know I can’t fix it.

Do you want me to listen? Do you want me to leave? Do you want me to just sit here?

My value is in me being me

All I ever wanted to be was a husband and a dad and I had failed

The marriage failed, I didn’t fail

I love you regardless

I made a lot of mistakes

I didn’t fix those mistakes in time to save it









I felt like I was in a movie

I got this text saying I don’t want to be in a relationship with you

I was in this new city by myself

It all went so quickly

When you have this connection you’ve never had before it makes it hard to slow down

You get sideswiped by reality when that person really isn’t ready or they’re just not the one

I had been dating for a gazillion years

I had never met someone who I connected with on more than one level

There was no closure

I knew I had been happy

Surrounding yourself with people who are positive can help as well

You vibe has to change

I’ve noticed when I don’t get my way I take that to heart

I can choose not to marinate in the disappointment

I learned what a trigger is and how a trigger can spiral you into this sad vortex

It was a psychological F-bomb

I’ve learned the less I have these triggers…the more it goes away

The less I thought about it the less pain I felt

You’re dating the same guy because you’re not learning the lesson

Moving forward, take the time for yourself and realize where you played a piece

It’s hard not to condemn yourself and start beating yourself up

Most people are not taking the time to do that self-reflection

It’s embarrassing sometimes to admit you suck

Don’t wallow indefinitely

Some of your coping mechanisms may not be healthy

I had to lay off the wine and find something else

Whatever you are doing make sure it is healthy and take care of yourself










We spent ourselves into bankruptcy trying to have a kid

I’m still friends with both of my ex-wives

It’s hard to throw away someone who really truly knows you, warts and all.

I didn’t want to lose a friend.

If we had cut spending maybe I would have been home more

The shoulda coulda woulda game is not that helpful

With my second marriage, I inherited teenagers

She admitted that she had cheated on me and I was just devastated

I thought at the time there was no hope of ever turning this around

At the time I was operating on 100% emotion

There are people who have worked through this and have come out stronger on the other side of infertility

We had a really bad habit of not forgiving

Know when to argue

You both bend as much as you can and at some point, you can’t anymore.

Just because you are upset doesn’t mean you have to say that kind of stuff

I was ecstatic that she found the right guy

I saw myself getting sucked in because I just love to help people

Somebody has to want to change themselves

In the end, the only improvement is self-improvement

God has your back

If I can just hang though this horrible period something better is around the corner.

What did I do wrong?

I feel I will be a better partner in the future

1+1=3 The two of us together makes something phenomenal